Child of the Wind

Back Again and some background info...

2011-08-29T15:44:00.002+10:00

After a lengthy hiatus and some false starts I have decided to return to blogging. In order to provide some context and generate some feedback I thought it best to give some perspective on the last few months of my life and also to talk about the thesis which is slowly making progress.

Because of the lengthy gap between my last post I thought a little bit of background would create some context for my blogging and other writing.

I am 43 and live in Newcastle, Australia. I am English and moved here in 1998. I married an Australian in 1998 (we met in UK) and separated at the beginning of 2009. I have active shared care of 3 awesome boys aged 12, 10 and 5. The middle one has aspergers and I have him 5 (sometimes 6 nights a week) and care of the other two boys 3 nights a week.

I work 30 hours a week as a Business Development Manager for a Health Services Company. I look after Sales and Marketing. I am a former Baptist pastor and was ordained in 2004.

I do not come from a church background. I had a bout of severe depression in late 2004 and then two bad church experiences in 2005 and 2008. This, along with my questioning mind, eventually led me to move away from attending church. I no longer attend a church and, at this time, would consider myself a spiritual person with an active belief in God but I find it difficult to call myself a Christian with all the language and ideas that I see emanating from the church.

In 2004 a friend of mine came out from the UK to stay with my family for a while. We went out for lunch and she told me that she was gay and in a relationship. I always had questions about the official policy of my Bible College on this issue but this lunch meeting prompted me to do a lot of reading and research.

To cut a long story short my journey led me to attend a gay church in Sydney which I visited many times. I have made a lot of friends in the gay Christian community across the world. I have attended two gay Christian conferences and become a firm advocate for Christians in the Church.

I started a coursework-based Masters Degree in 2007 with a Christian college and was going very well and had completed 3 subjects out of 8. The last two subjects were a long-paper and I decided to be upfront and plan ahead and look to do subjects that would be useful for the long paper. I approached my tutor and proposed a long paper looking at a favourable response to Homosexuality from a Christian perspective. After going away to consult on the topic I received an email telling me that under no circumstances could the college support such a proposal.

This left me in a quandary. Should I continue with an acceptable topic and at least complete the Masters or should I look at other options. I decided to pull out of the course and was not sure of my choices when I had a chance meeting with an Anglican in 2008 who informed me that the University of Newcastle had started a Theology Department and had appointed a professor from Edinburgh University.

This meeting led to me having a conversation with Professor John McDowell who graciously gave me an opportunity to apply for the MPhil at Newcastle University. So here I am working on my Masters Thesis with the hope and belief that I can do enough work to move onto a PhD.

I will do a blog post explaining the range of the thesis but I thought it worthwhile to give this background. I am hoping, through the blog, to make more friends and to get feedback and advice and encouragement for the thesis and my journey to support GLBT Christians.

Changing Focus

2011-03-31T11:09:00.002+11:00

I have never thought of myself as a negative person. I try to take people as I find them and look for the best in everyone. With my 3 boys I am constantly seeking ways to support and affirm them. With myself it is another story altogether. I guess that's a problem for many people. We can support and affirm others but our own weaknesses seem to be so glaringly obvious that they overwhelm all attempts to move forward productively. I have been seeing a psychologist for over a year now. I have seen counsellors and therapists on and off for over 10 years but this particular psychologist has been a great source of encouragement and is helping me to like myself more. In recent times I have made mistakes in my job and let my boss and co-workers down. I have walked away from church and last year was just exhausting with full-time care of my autistic son for 8 months and trying to juggle work and shared care of my two other boys. When my father passed away in January and I had opportunity to return to England to support my mum I decided to use the trip as a chance to think through my childhood and teenage years in England and find a way to return to Australia with a more positive view of myself. I am very fortunate because my boss has agreed, in the face of some contrary advice, to give me another chance and so I resume my job on April 1st. In a recent conversation with a friend they were telling me how they see the positives in me and how they outweight the negatives. I have been pondering this concept for the past two days and, today, when I was sorting through my good which are still in storage I came across a book that I have had in my collection for 2 years and never opened. It is called "Living Your Strengths". The opening chapter of the book explains that many people, especially Christians, have been told that in order to succeed they need to "fix" their weaknesses and so many are drawn into patterns of guilt and inadequacy BUT "(in) Gallup's research into human potential over the past 30 years...the evidence is overwhelming: You will be most successful in whatever you do by building your life around your greatest natural abilities rather than your weaknesses. Your talents should be your primary focus!" I would like to think it wasn't an accident that I stumbled upon this previously unnoticed book. Today I am focussing on my abilities and strengths. Tomorrow I start work with a new attitude and on Sunday I return to church and the past is truly passed. Be encouraged.

A turn in the road...but the journey continues...

2011-01-25T16:16:00.004+11:00

On Sunday January 16th at 1.10am in Hereford, England my father passed away after a battle with prostate and then lung cancer. I will miss him a lot and offer to him my love and respect.

The New Year presented me with opportunites to get my life in order. I have made a mess of my finances and am receiving help to get on top of my debts. I am still in the process of rediscovering my relationship with God and now I need to process my undulating relationship with my father and the final weeks where we were reconciled and talking well together.

On Tuesday Feb 1st I fly out to the UK. My ex-wife and her family have been very supportive and have assisted me to get to England. I am there for at least 10 weeks. It is a time to support my mother, reminisce with old family friends, enjoy being back in my home country and time to think.

I want to work when I am in England and also put some thought into developing my writing skills and utilising them more frequently and productively.

I am in the midst of putting my home contents into a friend's garage and giving up my lease. It is a new start, a new turn on my life's journey and a time of reflecting upon all the good that my father bought into my life. Michael James Chatwin RIP. Love Les xxx

Stumbling into Grace

2011-01-07T17:36:00.003+11:00

Blimey! This blog is becoming random, sporadic, a confused jumble of spiritual experiences and a whole bunch of highs and lows. Oh yes...just like my life...

Well, Jesus did it. After my attempt to evade the Hound of Heaven and seek consolation in either some vague form of fuzzy spirituality or nothing at all I finally found myself over New Year's Day stumbling reluctantly into the Kingdom of God again. Not that I'd probably ever been away.

Last Monday I met with a Christian friend to talk, tentatively, about returning to church which, to be honest, scares the pants off me...

As always, watch this space if you are still tuned in to Channel Les...

A way forward...

2010-12-14T10:38:00.002+11:00

I haven't blogged for a long, long time and I have deleted some posts that I felt, in retrospect, didn't fit with where my life was at.

The past few months have certainly been eventful; sometimes tough but always a learning experience and I am always reaching out for the positives.

Lately I have had a couple of conversations where I have tried to articulate the place that I have come to spiritually where I feel at peace. At this time I probably feel the most spiritually content that I have for many years.

As part of my move away from the Christian Church and the baggage that weighed me down emotionally and spiritually I decided that I needed to address three key areas; guilt, prayer and a philosophy of life.

1. Guilt. Throughout my childhood, teens, marriage and my Christian experience I felt that guilt was ever-present burden that slowed me down, created tensions and kept me caught up in a cycle of negativity and pressure. I realized that if I was to find a healthy way forward I needed to address this first.

Around the middle of this year I decided to stop feeling guilty. There are clearly times when guilt operates as a positive corrective in life that we are wise to pay attention to. For example, if I lose it with any of my boys and I feel guilty I am quick to apologize for my error and reassure my boys of my love for them.

What I am talking about in removing guilt is the pressure to conform to a certain lifestyle and mindset that is endemic in the evangelical church. I no longer subscribe to that way of life and I am the happiest I have been for a long time.

2. Prayer. Earlier this year one of my boys was sick for 2 days and one night I fell into bed in the early hours completely exhausted. As I lay in my bed reflecting on the day I instinctively thought of praying but then I realized that I didn't believe in prayer and didn't believe that anyone or anything was paying attention to my thoughts.

In the absence of prayer I felt a sense of loss. Not the loss of a relationship with God but the loss of a mechanism to deal with any concerns or fears that I had. I reflected for a while on the predicament and then came up with an alternative that is free of guilt, easy answers and an expectation of some sort of answer from "out there".

Quite simply, I envisage the ocean with no land in sight at all. I picture myself holding onto whatever it is that concerns me and then I let it go and drop it into the ocean. Having done this I turn away from the image content that I have released the burden. It has proven to be a healthy technique that leaves me free to continue with my life.

3. Philosophy of Life. I believe that it is good for us to have a philosophy of life where one thinks through and articulates the values that will guide and influence one's life.

My philosophy of life is that when I eventually die I want to have made a positive difference to the lives of some people especially my three boys. I want to live my life in such a way that, however much I can, I seek to love fully and live passionately and laugh a lot.

Happy Holidays.

One step forward...two steps back...

2010-09-28T21:43:00.002+10:00

I did the Reiki course...I thought I'd done my homework but it turned out to be a trip back to my charismatic Christian background and healing ministries...

The reiki healing goes where it wants to go...if someone wants healing for cancer they may find their depression lift over time...that's the reiki working in the part where it is needed...

I heard that in healing ministries in Christian churches...God heals where he knows it is needed (always he)...if our prayers aren't answered it is because God is working in HIS mysterious ways...

We pray for rain...if it doesn't rain it is because of some faith reason or God's mystery....when it rains it is because of answered prayer...

It was always going to rain!!

For those long-suffering few who follow my blog you have found my tired and disillusioned...

I didn't enjoy Reiki...I don't know where this leaves me spiritually-speaking...

Watch this space...

New horizons/old methods

2010-09-10T19:24:00.002+10:00

I was slightly disappointed to not get more response to my open admission about turning away from Evangelical Christianity to wider spiritual horizons but I was also not too surprised because the Church seems to exist for it's members and will still go on regardless of what questions are asked and who turns away.

Having been involved in pentecostal/charismatic forms of Christianity I have been involved, in the past, in laying hands on people and praying for healing. Reading the Reiki manual I was delighted to realize that I can still explore and use spiritual healing practices but I believe that Reiki offers greater freedom and more appreciation of where people are at without them having to subscribe to a dogmatic faith position.

Saturday 11th September I do Reiki 1 training. I am excited about this new chapter of my journey. The sky hasn't fallen in, Christians don't seem to be too concerned about me leaving the fold and I have peace in my family and my job. For those still along for the journey I will be writing more of my thoughts.

Celebrate Life

2010-02-17T19:27:00.003+11:00

As Sat Feb 27th approaches and 7.45pm (AEST) arrives when the 2010 Mardi Gras Parade sets off the issues of homosexuality, rights, gay marriage and the worth and dignity of GLBT people finds itself back on the agenda of the news media and certain sections of the Australian church.

Of course, the issue doesn't take a break in this section of the blogosphere but this is certainly a good time to put my point of view into the melting pot.

I just want to suggest a motif for the 2010 Sydney Mardi Gras should the event drift into your sphere of awareness; Celebrate Life.

Too often, issues get bogged down in prejudice, hatred, bitterness, arrogance, pride etc and these feelings affect all sides of the discussion. In the midst of all of the rhetoric we forget that people are involved; precious, valuable, worthy individuals with hopes, dreams, aspirations and lives that are worth living and celebrating.

As Mardi Gras 2010 approaches I want to take time to dedicate this blog to all of my many GLBT friends who encourage me, inspire me and show me how to love sincerely. For them and the many others who want to live and love freely I say - CELEBRATE LIFE.

Sunday Morning Scare

2010-02-09T16:04:00.002+11:00

A digression from the usual spiritual fare to report on my recent Sunday morning experience.

In Australia most homes have separate laundries to hold the washing machine. Next to my washing machine is a small cupboard with some spare boxes and, on top of these, is a child's car booster seat. The top of this pile is roughly at my eye level next to the washing machine.

Sunday morning I went out to the laundry and started putting clothes into my top load machine and something caught my eye. I glanced across and froze when I saw a snake curled up on top of the booster seat!

I am English. Many Australians aren't too well versed on varieties of snakes and I haven't got a clue. We were never prepared for snakes when I was at school in Birmingham!

To cut a long story short I rang an excellent organization called WIRES who are a Wildlife Rescue group and they gave me details of a local snake expert. He came and informed me that we didn't have a snake problem; it was, in fact, a Central Australian Carpet Python so it would be an escaped pet.

Once the snake was crawling around on an expert I felt much more at ease but it's certainly not an experience that I want to repeat. On Monday I was speaking to supervisor at University who is Northern Irish and we were lamenting the many ways that you can be hurt, bit or scared witless by wildlife in Australia. Lucky country indeed!

Wideness in God's Mercy

2010-02-04T09:27:00.003+11:00

For Christians the image above of the cross symbolizes the wideness of God's mercy and grace in accepting tired, stumbling people into His arms of love. When I observe the Church and talk to Christians I see something different; I see acceptance and love with very tight boundaries that are more to do with cultural preference and narrow middle-class values than grace.

The late Rich Mullins wrote a song called "The Love of God" and today I was sitting having a coffee when I recalled these words:

"There's a wideness in God's mercy

I cannot find in my own

And He keeps His fire burning

To melt this heart of stone

Keeps me aching with a yearning

Keeps me glad to have been caught

In the reckless raging fury

That they call the love of God."

Now THAT is love that I want to be a part of. "The reckless, raging fury that they call the love of God."

Sometimes life tries to beat me down. Over the last couple of months I have been tired and lonely but this morning I lifted myself and stepped in the reckless, raging fury of God's love and I am determined more than ever to tell people Christians, non-Christians, straight and gay that God loves them with a passion that is unsurpassed.

Walking Forward

2010-02-04T09:07:00.003+11:00

I apologize for my lack of writing over the past couple of months. I found myself in another trough of depression and have been slowly working myself out. I have taken the positive step of contacting Al-Anon, a support group for Adult Children affected by alcohol and abuse so that I can deal with some of the things that keep trying to derail my life's progress.

Along with this effort to be honest and confront my demons I met with my supervisor yesterday to get the Master's thesis back on track. I have deferred this semester to allow myself to work unpressured and get back to where I should be.

This Sunday I am going with a couple of mates and two of my boys to Crave in Sydney, a vibrant inclusive church. This is my first step back into church for a long, long time so it will be interesting to say the least.

What I do know is that I am taking one step forward at a time and trusting God to go with me. Every time the voices rush in telling me that I am no good, worthless and will never achieve anything I try and speak louder and remind myself that I am a good person and loved by God.

Last night a good friend phoned me and, during the conversation, he told me that I understood "non-Christians" and that it was a rare gift. I think I just know what it is to hurt and I want to listen more than I speak and love more than I judge.

Some people just don't get it

2009-11-02T16:11:00.003+11:00

I read a great post today at "Love and Light" called "You just don't GET it!"

It's a great post from Meg that deserves reading and positive comments.

Meg talks about how heterosexual society forces GLBT people to fit their lives into a narrow mould.

She asks "Why should we have to edit our lives and our conversations just so you don't have to feel uncomfortable?"

There are some straight people out in the world who don't feel uncomfortable but, generally, she is spot on. There's still an awfully long way to go until the world is a comfortable place for all people to be publicly in love and affectionate.

I won't back down

2009-10-27T15:31:00.006+11:00

In what has been an interesting couple of weeks to say the least I have received much support but also some criticism for continuing to speak up for the rights of Gay and Lesbian Christians.

Some of the criticism has been quite hurtful but I refuse to back down from writing and speaking on this issue. I will continue with my thesis and blogging because I think it is important to maintain a voice of social justice and to continue to define and redefine the extent of God's love and grace.

This blog is here to stay. I will not stop writing or speaking on issues that I believe are important. If anyone in NSW or further afield (with some notice) wishes me to speak at their church or gathering I would be happy to.

If you feel excluded by the church or have felt excluded and damaged in the past please email me confidentially. I am happy to support and encourage those who have felt discarded by the institutional church.

Spong - Time for Debate is Over

2009-10-20T10:28:00.002+11:00

At "Straight, Not Narrow" I came across a post with an excerpt from recent comments by the former Episcopal Bishop of Newark, John Shelby Spong where he says that he is no longer prepared to debate the age-old arguments with conservative Christians about homosexuality.

Here are the excerpted comments:

I have made a decision. I will no longer debate the issue of homosexuality in the church with anyone. I will no longer engage the biblical ignorance that emanates from so many right-wing Christians about how the Bible condemns homosexuality, as if that point of view still has any credibility. I will no longer discuss with them or listen to them tell me how homosexuality is “an abomination to God,” about how homosexuality is a “chosen lifestyle,” or about how through prayer and “spiritual counseling” homosexual persons can be “cured.” Those arguments are no longer worthy of my time or energy. I will no longer dignify by listening to the thoughts of those who advocate “reparative therapy,” as if homosexual persons are somehow broken and need to be repaired. I will no longer talk to those who believe that the unity of the church can or should be achieved by rejecting the presence of, or at least at the expense of, gay and lesbian people. I will no longer take the time to refute the unlearned and undocumentable claims of certain world religious leaders who call homosexuality “deviant.” I will no longer listen to that pious sentimentality that certain Christian leaders continue to employ, which suggests some version of that strange and overtly dishonest phrase that “we love the sinner but hate the sin.” That statement is, I have concluded, nothing more than a self-serving lie designed to cover the fact that these people hate homosexual persons and fear homosexuality itself, but somehow know that hatred is incompatible with the Christ they claim to profess, so they adopt this face-saving and absolutely false statement. I will no longer temper my understanding of truth in order to pretend that I have even a tiny smidgen of respect for the appalling negativity that continues to emanate from religious circles where the church has for centuries conveniently perfumed its ongoing prejudices against blacks, Jews, women and homosexual persons with what it assumes is “high-sounding, pious rhetoric.” The day for that mentality has quite simply come to an end for me. I will personally neither tolerate it nor listen to it any longer. The world has moved on, leaving these elements of the Christian Church that cannot adjust to new knowledge or a new consciousness lost in a sea of their own irrelevance. They no longer talk to anyone but themselves. I will no longer seek to slow down the witness to inclusiveness by pretending that there is some middle ground between prejudice and oppression. There isn’t. Justice postponed is justice denied. That can be a resting place no longer for anyone. An old civil rights song proclaimed that the only choice awaiting those who cannot adjust to a new understanding was to “Roll on over or we’ll roll on over you!” Time waits for no one.

There is much, much more posted on the blog A piece of my mind.

No Junk, Just Jesus

2009-10-20T10:10:00.002+11:00

I came across a great site for GLBT Christians primarily but also straight allies called "No Junk Just Jesus".

It has a link to a free workbook for GLBT Christians who feel rejected by the Church and/or God. It also has a link to a pamphlet to encourage GLBT people to consider why Jesus loves them.

A lot of time and effort has gone into explaining that God's love and inclusiveness is so much bigger than the wider church sometimes makes out.

What if churches closed?

2009-10-19T18:52:00.004+11:00

This is question that has been asked before and I realize that there are a number of ways in which the answer can go but I am asking it in terms of reflecting on the impact of the church on a local community.

What would happen if your church closed its doors and stopped meeting on a Sunday and closed down all of its activities. Would anyone notice or be affected apart from the people who attend each week?

I realize that I am stuck on a tangent for the moment and I am trying to go out of my way to induce a deep sense of guilt but I am simply asking us to reflect on why we go to church. If we go to sing nice songs, to feel good, to hear an encouraging talk and to catch up with a particular social group then this needs to be acknowledged. These are not bad things but they need to be named and then the church can go on be an encouraging social club for a narrow demographic.

If this sounds uncomfortable or offensive then ask what further impact your local church makes to the local community and the wider world. I am reflecting on my own experiences in the church and, to be honest, if some churches closed no-one would notice and only the paid staff would have long-term concerns.

The next question that arises is "What do we do to ensure that the Church is an active agent of change and hope in society?"

Glocal Christianity

2009-10-19T02:58:00.002+11:00

This is a plug for one of my favourite blogs "Glocal Christianity".

Matt Stone is a follower of Christ but seeks to interact with a wide-range of traditions.

He recently reflected on his blogs over time on the subject of yoga which is something that frightens the average, spiritually insecure, Christian.

He also has a magnificent collection of Christian Art.

This is a wonderful blog but Matt is also a top guy who seeks to live out his faith and beliefs authentically and offers me continual food for thought.

I don't get it!

2009-10-18T10:55:00.002+11:00

Ok. In case you haven't noticed a trend I am frustrated with the evangelical church. I am tired of words, words, words from pulpits and study groups with little impact on the local community. I am cynical and jaded and I am happy to own these feelings but I still have to ask - what the heck is/was the "Jesus - All About Life" campaign about?

I drive a taxi and I have a lot of conversations about spirituality and no-one outside of the local churches seems to have heard about this campaign or have had a meaningful conversation with a Christian or even know what it is supposed to mean. It is yet another example of Christians pouring money into a programme when I think the problem is that, honestly, Christians don't care about whether their non-Christian neighbours know about Jesus. The church doesn't need another program; it needs to ask people honestly why they don't give a stuff.

Muslims

2009-10-18T08:35:00.003+11:00

I have been doing proof-reading working for some Saudi Arabian Masters and PhD students and am having some really interesting chats about their home, culture and religion. I have given the issue of religion a lot of thought and I have realised that I can't do it. I can't tell them that their religious views are wrong and that if they don't "give their heart" to Jesus then they won't be spending eternity with God in heaven. I just don't believe that any more.

What also concerns me is that I don't think many Christians believe this deep down because, if they do, they aren't going very far out of their way to tell anyone. If Christians really believe that non-believers go to hell (whatever that is) then they don't seem to be very concerned. There are a large number of Saudi and Sudanese Muslims in Newcastle and they are not difficult to find. They are very friendly; I have had coffee and meals with a number of them now and, yet, I don't see the local Evangelicals going out of their way or making any effort at all to tell these people about their faith in Jesus.

In fact, I think much of the evangelical talk is simply pious rhetoric. All over Newcastle are lovely posters saying "Jesus. All about Life" but I don't see anyone sharing that message with any urgency.

I simply don't believe, any longer, that the Christian message is correct. I don't believe that only those who have made the evangelical commitment to Jesus will spend eternal life with God. I am not sure what heaven is but, whatever it might be, it's not a bigger version of an evangelical church.

Ask the average Christian how many people they REALLY share the gospel with. Ask the average Christian how many people they have personally "converted" or "led to the Lord" and you will find a lot of embarassed silence. There is a lot of talk in the church and little action. I, for one, want to live with integrity so I will love and support my Muslim friends and affirm their beliefs and devotion.

Seeking for the Light

2009-10-17T20:07:00.002+11:00

I'm still here and people are still reading so I must be doing something right. Feel free to send comments or email me at lchatwin@gmail.com - I always enjoy conversations about spirituality but, right now, as I try and piece together the threads of my journey over recent times I value intelligent, sensitive input.

Anyhow, I am still a part of the Theoblogger which is a project of the excellent Homebrewed Christianity. Below are details of an excellent blog book tour coming soon.

You may wonder where I am on this journey and, to be honest, I don't know but as I said to one of my friends the other day, I've given up with church but God and I are still on speaking terms! We'll see where I end up.

Please take time to check the other bloggers.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Philip Clayton and Harvey Cox both have new books out and they are taking them out on tour. One of the blog tour stops will be here, but as you can see below they will be making their rounds over the next month until they wrap things up in Montreal at the American Academy of Religion's annual meeting. There they will be joined by an illustrious panel including Eric Gregory, Bruce Sanguin, Serene Jones, Frank Tupper, and Andrew Sung Park to share a 'Big Idea' for the future of the Church. These 'Big Ideas' will be video tapped and shared, so be on the look out for live footage from the last night of the tour.

Philip's new book is Transforming Christian Theology for Church & Society and Harvey's is The Future of Faith. Both are worth checking out at one of the many tour stops. If you can't wait you can listen to them interview each other. Enjoy the blogging!

Joseph Weethee , Jonathan Bartlett, The Church Geek, Jacob’s Cafe, Reverend Mommy, Steve Knight, Todd Littleton, Christina Accornero, John David Ryan, LeAnn Gunter Johns, Chase Andre, Matt Moorman, Gideon Addington, Ryan Dueck, Rachel Marszalek, Amy Moffitt, Josh Wallace, Jonathan Dodson, Stephen Barkley, Monty Galloway, Colin McEnroe, Tad DeLay, David Mullens, Kimberly Roth, Tripp Hudgins, Tripp Fuller, Greg Horton, Andrew Tatum, Drew Tatusko, Sam Andress, Susan Barnes, Jared Enyart, Jake Bouma, Eliacin Rosario-Cruz, Blake Huggins, Lance Green, Scott Lenger, Dan Rose, Thomas Turner, Les Chatwin, Joseph Carson, Brian Brandsmeier, J. D. Allen, Greg Bolt, Tim Snyder, Matthew L. Kelley, Carl McLendon, Carter McNeese, David R. Gillespie, Arthur Stewart, Tim Thompson, Joe Bumbulis, Bob Cornwall

This Tour is Sponsored by Transforming Theology DOT org!

The Business of Church

2009-10-02T13:30:00.002+10:00

I'm a little concerned. It is now about 3 months since I gave up on attending church. The sky hasn't fallen in, my kids are happy and I am close to securing a better job so I can reduce the taxi driving to one shift a week. Having ceased attendance at a local church I have had time to reflect on the health and status of my spiritual journey and also to reflect on some of the reasons why I have left church.

I guess one of the biggest concerns is that the Church, whether we like it or not, big and small, needs to make money to function. This, in itself, is a fact of life; pastors need to be paid, utility payments need to be met, resources need to be purchased etc. The problem for me is that these things seem to become the main event. I am speaking from the position of the Baptist church in Australia. A Baptist pastor can rarely raise questions, take radical positions or defend causes unless those views are held by the majority of the local church or else that pastor could find themselves looking for a new job.

If a pastor is locked into a good superannuation scheme, has a car loan through the Baptist Union, maybe has their kids subsidised to attend the local Christian school and a nice house with rent paid by the church what incentive do they have to encourage the local congregation to be radical in their discipleship.

The issue of money and security goes much deeper than this. I have been in many, many churches and have observed people who are just like their neighbours except for one thing only - they attend church on a Sunday and maybe, if they are devout, a mid-week Bible study but their lives, to all intents and purposes, are just like their neighbours. I am not claiming to be any different because I had fallen into this humdrum, numbness of getting through the business of living.

How do we change this and, realistically, does anyone really care. I guess my ultimate question is - what is church for? If it simply a nice middle-class social club where parents can find safe friends for the children, families can meet like-minded people for bbqs and dinners and people can enjoy some nice songs and a soothing motivational talk on a Sunday morning then church needs to be recognised as this.

In Australia there is a campaign called "Jesus. All about Life". I drive a taxi, I meet with quite a few Muslim students from Saudi Arabia who I am doing proof-reading work for and I observe society generally and all I can see is that there are nice posters outside church buildings but, really, no-one cares too much.

I am not part of the evangelistic scene anymore because I am moving towards a more universalist perspective. I am trying not to sound bitter but I think that church needs to be named for what it is so people can make a choice between the local lawn bowls club, the local pub or church as the basis of their social network. If churches claim to be a part of the Kingdom of God then a lot of work needs to be done in terms of impacting society because, from what I can see, a lot of the language is simply pompous rhetoric.

A final thought that is nagging at me. What if the structures of the church, even those that emerged from the New Testament letters, were simply convenient power structures for people to maintain control. What if there is little point in maintaining paid pastoral positions and weekly gatherings in church buildings. What would happen if church buildings were sold and people met in homes to seek ways to positively influence their local communities and we stopped believing the lie that the person preaching has all the answers?

Blurring the Boundaries

2009-09-07T23:53:00.002+10:00

Regular readers of this all too infrequent blog will know of my efforts to find interesting images to complement each post. In this particular post I am writing about my first baby steps into the world of Michel Foucault and especially his "History of Sexuality" and the importance his work well have in my overall thesis and this image seemed particularly pertinent as I consider gender theory, queer theory and how the Church so often hurts and pushes aside the "other" in a game of power.

I am now officially enrolled in the Masters of Philosophy (Religious Studies) and The University of Newcastle in NSW (cue fanfare and drum roll) and am extremely excited. I have no idea how I will manage financially or where I will find the time but I am, nevertheless, very excited!

The foundation to the thesis will be the work of Juergen Moltmann but, as I said, I have just begun exploring the philosophy of Foucault and it is magnificent. Another project down the track is to engage with Judith Butler but she will have to wait her turn for now.

All is good in Les-world. I must say thank you to all of the people who have been so supportive as I have travelled, and continue to travel, stormy theological and spiritual seas in search of a place where I feel content. I will endeavour to write more as the studies and my spiritual journey progress.

Leaving Church

2009-08-22T18:56:00.003+10:00

I feel like I have been sat in the doorway of church for a long time gazing at the open door and the possibilities that lie outside but have been afraid to step out because so much of my identity is tied up in the institution of the Church.

Over the past couple of years my confidence in the Church and Christianity has been slowly chipped at and eroded. Rather than dealing with this dilemma and tension I have tried to find an accomodating position so I did the ministry in the pub but gradually I came to realize that the doubts that I was supressing meant that I couldn't talk to anyone about my faith and beliefs until I had sufficiently understood them for myself.

I haven't been to church in quite a while and I can't see a way back. I studied at Bible College and was ordained as a pastor and, however much I tried to deny the fact, I have realized that so much of my identity was tied up in this role and in the evangelical Christian community and so I feel that I have to go through a grieving process as I seek to find a new identity that I can own with integrity.

I can't believe in the literalness of much of the Bible story and that bothers me because I uncritically accepted the Biblical narrative for so long and preached and counselled others in believing and confessing the Christian story. I don't know where the future lies for me or my faith. I know that there are no easy answers but I am just putting this "out there" to seek friendship and care as I make this journey.

Bridge the Gap Synchroblog

2009-06-29T16:45:00.003+10:00

My post today is part of a larger initiative of more than 50 bloggers all sharing their thoughts on how to ‘bridge the gap’ between the straight and gay Christian communities. You can check out the other links at: www.btgproject.blogspot.com

I have been incredibly slack and am a little late but I encourage you to check out the great work of "Bridge the Gap". They have a wonderful dvd project to encourage evangelical Christians to listen to some other sides of the "gay" story.

Here in Newcastle, NSW I have been holding the germ of a Christian discussion group at the city's gay bar. This Tuesday we begin a fortnightly Bible study as an inclusive Christian study group to supplement the discussion group project. The plan is to form the nucleus of a group that will be the basis of an inclusive Church.

Always in my ministry my heart's desire is to positively connect with those outside of the church. The gay community has been pushed away from God in many ways and my desire is to find ways of engaging in conversations about God and authentically loving people of same-sex orientation.

Please check out "Bridge the Gap" and the other wonderful synchrobloggers. Some people might say that I am focussing too narrowly on a specific group. My Masters thesis will be looking at a positive perspective on same-sex orientation and so I can understand the concern but I feel a strong calling to reach out missionally to a group of people who have been marginalized and who need to know that God loves them passionately.

Please pray for the project here in Newcastle. I have a small nucleus but few resources and would value support however you may feel called to do that. Please pray for this ministry and if you can help with purchasing books for my Masters study through Amazon then I would welcome the assistance.

New Study Direction

2009-06-10T15:07:00.002+10:00

I am 3 subjects into an 8 subject Masters but there seemed to be a potential stumbling block in terms of my tentative proposal exploring a reframing of same-sex relationships for helping evangelical Christians (primarily in Australia) to come at the issue from a more wholistic, ethical perspective and not simply from the issue of semantics and hermeneutics.

Last week I had the pleasure of meeting with the Professor of Theology at Newcastle University, John McDowell. John is Northern Irish and has spent the past few years lecturing at Edinburgh University. At the beginning of this year he took on the role of establishing the new theology department at the university.

John and I got on very well and he is interested in, and supportive of, the basic proposal for a doctoral thesis. I have to stress that it is very early days and we are currently in the process of establishing the best method for me to get on a track that will lead to a PhD thesis.

I will cease my current Masters of Theology because there is not sufficient connection for a transfer. I will commence the Masters at Newcastle Uni specializing in Religious Studies. This is a purely research-based Masters. John has tentatively suggested that I work with Moltmann and Bonhoeffer in formulating an ethical thesis for approaching the issue of supporting and affirming same-sex relationships from a Christian perspective.

I will use the Masters to become more familiar with the nuances of Bonhoeffer's work and then if the research is progressing satisfactorily I will be able to move onto a PhD late next year. I am very excited about these developments and feel God's purposes are being worked out in my life. I have a strong desire to develop a professional academic and teaching role as well as the missional ministry through the pub.

If anyone has significant knowledge of Bonhoeffer or helpful resources please let me know.

Thank you all once again for your love, interest and support.

“God Hates Gays”

2009-05-25T18:13:00.001+10:00

I thought the headline might grab some attention as well as put in clear written words the absurdity, rudeness and arrogance of the sometimes unspoken, and often spoken, sentiments of large sections of the Christian community.

This past week I attended the sub-regional conference of the Metropolitan Community Church. It was a great weekend of networking, worship and friendship. The biggest thing I took away was an increased commitment to support same-sex relationships and stand up for the rights of gay people to live full and active lives as followers of Jesus Christ.

I was privileged to be invited into the private lives of some special people who told me stories of rejection by their families, society but mostly stories of rejection by the Church that call itself Christian. I heard stories from people who were sincere believers who loved and served Jesus in their place in the world.

To say that God hates anyone is a disgusting statement fuelled by a narrow, homophobic worldview. To claim a biblical foundation for this sentiment of bigotry saddens me more than I can say.

Of course, by writing such a post, I am prepared to engage in theological debate but want I want you to understand is that this weekend I have hugged gay men and lesbian women. I have heard stories of despair but also stories of hope and redemption as lives have been touch by the God who is love. Wherever the debate goes I will be there but wherever people need to be affirmed and supported to live lives as children of God I will also be there.

I have seen the power of God’s love and it does not flourish in the dark halls of a conservative agenda.

A story of magic

2009-05-11T21:13:00.004+10:00

I have just finished watching Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium with Samuel and Thomas. It is the second time we have seen it and I still got sucked in by the magic and wonder of the story and it feels SO good to be captivated by the special things in life.

The story is about a magical toy store run by Mr Magorium who is 243 years old. The toys are alive and bouncing and it is a haven for children of all ages. The secret is that Mr Magorium believes in the store but one day he announces that he is leaving. In fact he says that he is "leaving this world" and he hands over the store to his young assistant.

The assistant is horrifed. She doesn't want Mr Magorium to "leave" and to make matters worse the store reacts badly and eventually shuts itself down and all the magic departs as well as the customers. The movie has a wonderful moment when assistant takes Mr Magorium on a special day to help him see the magic of life. He understands at the best last day of life ever. They jump on beds in a bedroom store; they roll out a giant sheet of bubble wrap and dance on it to the sound of popping and laughter and they set all the clocks in a grandfather clock shop to the same time so the whole store breaks out into chiming at the same time.

As the film continues the assistant must either sell the store or discover the source of the store's magic. We had a great time. Thomas and I were lying on bean bags and had a big blanket over us. Samuel was curled up under his blanket and we laughed and imagined and dreamt dreams.

We agreed to hunt out giant bubble wrap and take it to one of the shopping malls to dance. Thomas wants to put out a hat to see if we can get some money!

For the past 6 weeks I have had Thomas off school. For most of that time Thomas and I have been in our new house. I have him for 5 nights a week but due to behavioural issues I agreed to take him out of school before the end of last term and we have only just got word on funding for a teacher's aide and his case worker is liasing with the school to make his reintroduction a more positive experience for everyone.

I have to say we have had the best time. I recalled this when Mr Magorium's assistant said that they needed to wait 37 seconds for the clocks to start chiming. He replied "No. We breathe. We pulse. We regenerate. Our hearts beat. Our minds create. Our souls ingest. 37 seconds, well used, is a lifetime."

6 weeks well used has been a lifetime of memories. We have climbed up to the helicopter in McDonald's playgrounds; we have swung on swings; we have laughed, hugged and sung songs; we have bought large cuddly toys and had heaps of fun.

There is still magic in the world if only we take the time to look and realize that 37 seconds well used is a lifetime.

Newcastle University

2009-04-24T13:08:00.002+10:00

I am still here in the land of the living and, although my internet access is still limited to the local library, I haven't slacked off in terms of my thinking. I have been put in touch with the head of the theology department at Newcastle University and on May 6th I am meeting John McDowell to discuss transferring my Masters across to Newcastle and also to plan ahead for my doctoral thesis.

I am really excited about the potential for expanding my research and John seems to be open to a broader theological perspective which will allow me to explore the intersections of theology, exegesis and culturally-imposed worldviews. I will keep you posted on the journey.

Thanks for all the comments and emails over the last couple of months. I have been encouraged in all aspects of my life.

Sacramental Theology

2009-04-02T15:53:00.002+11:00

I am beginning to explore Sacramental Theology and Liturgy. I am on the beginning of the learning curve but wish to explore this issue both from a theological perspective and also to understand how sacrament helps those who are spiritual seekers to connect with "mystery" and "otherness".

I am hopeful that you, my faithful readership, can be a part of the process by sending or recommending resources that I can utilize.

I am going to my first ever Anglican service this coming Sunday morning.

Thank you as well for all of the love and encouragement I have received these past few weeks.

Doubting (and) Thomas

2009-03-31T16:58:00.002+11:00

I am on one of my periodical visits to the internet and I have enough time to squeeze in a blog to reassure any readers of my continued existence. As part of the recent events in my life I find myself, happily, as the primary carer for 8 year old Thomas. He is not in school at the moment because the education authority won't have funding for a teacher's aide until next term and so Thomas and I are enjoying life, studying at home and becoming even better friends. There is no doubt about my love for my other two boys but, because Thomas and I have more time together and because of his disabilities I feel a strong bond with him.

In the midst of the changing times and reorientation there is also my continuing journey of faith and doubt. I went back to church 2 weeks ago but, I have to be honest, and say that evangelical church with its songs, 30 minute sermon, coffee and return to the world leaves me very cold. I know such a bland, limited sentence leaves me open to criticism but for about a year now I have been trying to find a way of honoring my sincere spirituality and love for God with my disillusionment with institutional church.

This is a story that will be continued.

Presence

2009-03-23T09:32:00.002+11:00

The past few weeks have been eventful to say the least but I felt that it was time to blog again and offer some thoughts and let people know that I am still here and growing stronger each day.

As part of this process of change, repentance, healing and restoration I have been considering the place of anxiety in my life. I have been really challenged by a fascinating book called "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. I picked it up from a charity bookshop a while ago and recently started reading it.

It is a book that, I guess, fits into what evangelicals would call "new age" teaching and I must confess that when I saw it on the book shelf I felt the old evangelical misgivings creeping in but I decided, as I knew he was an important spiritual author, to give the book a fair go. It is wonderful. I can't say that I agree with all of the ideas contained in the book but the basic premise has really helped and encouraged me in recent days.

Tolle asserts that the only moment that ever exists is "now". We allow the past to impact upon us too much and we worry or plan for a future that we can never know and these two pressures cause us anxiety, fear or simply to not be in the "now". What interested me as well was the suggestion that there are no "problems" but simply "situations" that need to be dealt with. Tolle asked the reader to learn to be here and now. If there is a situation we can do one of 3 things; we can get out of the situation, we can change the situation or we can accept the situation as it is.

I am still trying to learn, understand and accept other parts of the book but last night as I lay in a temporary holiday cabin where I am staying with Thomas while we look for a rental I accepted the now, enjoyed my surroundings, became at peace with my circumstances and slept well and did not allow anxiety to crowd in as it has done so often in the past.

I am told that this teaching is similar to certain Buddhist teachings and, as I said, I am still figuring out which parts of the book I disagree with and why that it is but, as a guide to being and the power of the presence it is a very, very good book. Too often Christians live in a world of head knowledge and ridicule or dismiss meditation and contemplation forgetting that the history of the church is rich with these practices.

For me I am going to sit awhile and just enjoy being here now.

Some other beginning's end

2009-03-03T17:10:00.002+11:00

Amongst the wonderful thoughts and prayers that I have received in this time of turmoil and change someone quoted a line from "Closing Time" by Semisonic.

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end."

Way back when God was making new beginning's from some other beginning's end. He did it with Adam, with Abraham, with Moses, with Paul and, ultimately, with Jesus.

When Jesus was nailed to the cross to die an ignominious death it was the end of what had seemed such a promising beginning. But there was a new beginning waiting to unfold.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring; I just know that I am trusting in the one who fashions new beginnings out of the unlikeliest materials.

A new beginning...I guess

2009-03-02T19:36:00.002+11:00

After many ups and downs and trial and tribulations things came to a head last Tuesday when my wife of nearly 13 years said she could no longer be married to me. The details are not relevant for a blog but I wanted to share this information because it will, inevitably, color my writing from this point forwards.

I have been through a lot in recent times and I am SO weary. I don't know what the future holds but I love my 3 boys and we are both committed to their future and happiness. I am still not keen on church; still clinging to God and feeling lonely and trying to minimize and work with the fluctuating anxiety that comes like rolling waves.

I am not blaming anyone just trying to find a constructive way forward. Let's see when erudite gems emerge out of this new period of my life. I feel very unemployable being a separated ordained pastor who is seeing a psychologist and has been wrongly accused. I am thinking of picking up the Masters of Counseling. I have little money and am staying with 2 wonderful friends who have extended an open welcome for as long as I need it.

I am keen to be able to find a reasonable place for when my kids come over and I want to be fairly close so they can call in when they miss me or want to catch up.

Thanks for listening.

National Day of Mourning

2009-02-22T12:02:00.002+11:00

Today, Sunday Feb 22nd 2009, is a National Day of Mourning for the many people who died and lost homes in the tragic fires earlier this month.

Wherever you are in Australia or the world please take time to remember those whose lives have been forever changed by the brutality of the fires.

The main event is being held at Rod Laver Arena in Melbourne but there are also people gathering in the main towns ravaged by the fires.

Trials Continued

2009-02-20T10:50:00.003+11:00

This past 2 or 3 weeks has been a tumultuous ride which is partly why I haven't been blogging. I keep trying to find time to do book reviews and theological thoughts but life just seems to come right in and try and stamp on my head. Before I get into the nuts and bolts I want to accentuate the positives.

I have been through an incredible trial and yet God has loved, supported, sustained and encouraged me. Each time I have felt like I cannot go any further God has drawn so close to me. It is not the way that I would choose to encounter God's love and grace but I am so grateful for His very real presence.

In the middle of 2008 I wrote about a particularly distressing and painful time in my life where I was accused of a very serious offense that involved a short police investigation. That investigation consequently proved my innocence of all charges but the process was, nevertheless, very traumatic.

Last week I felt like I had navigated a lot of stress in my life and I was very pleased because I have been feeling a strong desire to drop the Saturday night taxi shift so we can go to church as a family once more. I was thinking of how I was going to tell the owner of the taxi about my desire to drop the Saturday shift and that very day he phoned me to tell me had found a Fri/Sat night driver and would I mind not driving this Saturday! How good is God.

The next day as I was processing a strong call to become more involved in pastoral ministry I received a phone call from the Baptist Union. Evidently although the allegations against me had been dismissed by the police the family in question had made the same allegations to the Baptist Union of NSW who are obliged to investigate them and so the frustrations of defending myself against blatant lies continues. This time I have all of the documents that I was able to access from the Freedom of Information stipulations and also the leaders at my old church are more convinced than ever of my innocence.

The investigation shouldn't take too long but I am SO frustrated. Please pray for my wife and I as we deal with this again. I am also, in the midst of this, feeling a very strong call to ministry but I am not sure what that entails. God is very much in control and I feel that this latest episode smacks strongly of spiritual attack and so we keep going to God for His grace and provision.

This time has drawn Tanya and myself much closer together so I am thankful for that.

Thank you for your love, prayers and support.

Transforming Theology

2009-02-09T14:17:00.003+11:00

As part of my journeys through the blogosphere I came across a few references to Tripp Fuller and the "Transforming Theology" project. It is an exciting initiative to provide pdf files of significant theological works and access to free books to stimulate theological discussion across the blogging world.

As a passionate lay theologian it was right up my alley and a chance to interact more purposefully with other theologians.

The first pdf sent out is "Reclaiming Christianity" by John Cobb. Having dipped my toe into Process Theology I am very interested in Cobb's work and have been most encouraged by the first half of the book. I will blog more in coming days.

It is a wonderful project and I commend anyone with an interesting in Theological Dialogue to sign up.

By the way, I found the image on a google images search and really liked it. It is a painting by Wojciech Macherzynski and details can be found here.

Australian Disaster

2009-02-09T13:44:00.003+11:00

The scale of the fires raging in Victoria have been absolutely staggering and, tragically, the death toll has surpassed anything Australia has ever experienced. Yesterday I was driving the taxi and had the radio tuned in to the bushfire updates and stories. Even though we are in another state and about 10 hours away from the fires their is a collective sense of loss and grief across Australian society.

The following link is to the ABC photo gallery in the aftermath of the devastation. This is a link to an audio file where a survivor describes the wall of flame that he faced.

The death toll is currently 93 and is almost certainly going to rise as the emergency crews move through the disaster zone. More than 700 homes have been lost and the scope of the tragedy and the time it will take to rebuild lives and communities is hard to imagine.

I am going to resume blogging on theology and my faith journey but I wanted to raise awareness of a national tragedy and ask for your prayers for the people of Victoria at this time.

Death of God

2009-01-30T14:25:00.003+11:00

In the 1960s, following on from the proclamation of Nietzsche's mad man there was a movement that sought to proclaim the death of the traditional Christian God. It trumpeted the death of God but was more in line with a liberal restructuring of Christianity in some ways.

I had picked up an old paperback copy from the 60s and have just finished reading it. I enjoy reading theology from different perspectives but was pleasantly surprised to find some gems within this book.

There is a great deal of complex thinking. The authors engage with Kierkegaard at a deep level which lost me at times and also with Tillich and Bultmann. If nothing else it has spurred me on to try and understand more of the work of these other theologians.

In the next few posts I am going to drop in a few selected quotes and some thoughts which might be helpful in the current climate of trying to "do" church in the 21st century.

There is a fascinating quote from Nietzche where he suggests that Christianity had moved away significantly from Jesus life and example. He calls Christianity "the tremendous question mark" and goes on to say:

"...in the concept of 'church' it has pronounced holy precisely what the 'bringer of the glad tidings' felt to be beneath and behind himself - one would look in vain for a greater example of world-historical irony" (italics in the original).

Is the traditional model of church a "question mark" and has it moved so far from Jesus? What does this mean? Are we destined to be victims of cultural forces or is there an essence of faith and Christ-following that can be recaptured in our day?

Some People Are Never Happy

2009-01-25T13:37:00.000+11:00

Attached to this post is a picture of Bar Beach; just one of many fabulous beaches in Newcastle and the surrounding coastline. I live about 30 minutes from the center of Newcastle near Lake Macquarie, the largest coastal lake in Australia.

We have magnificent beaches, a beautiful lake, fishing, surfing, walking etc and yet...and yet I still hear a multitude of complaints in the taxi.

This week we hit over 40 degree temperatures on Saturday which is exceptionally hot in anyone's book especially an ex-pat Englishman like myself. Last summer didn't really happen and people complained about the lack of sunshine but now that we have a hot summer people complain about the heat. And people have the nerve to call English people "whinging poms"!

It appears that it's either too hot or too cold, too wet or too dry. Myself, I look to adjust to whatever temperature comes my way and try and enjoy the day.

It got me thinking about the tendency of some sections of the Australian church to complain. We complain about Hillsong or Sydney Anglicans or the more progressive aspects of the Uniting Church. They're either too literal or not literal enough and all the while the rest of society gets on with their lives and increasingly sees the church as irrelevant and out dated.

The remedy, as I see it, is not to give up critiquing but to look for the positives in our brothers and sisters. I find it difficult to sleep in the hot, humid weather we are having so I get up and try and find some productive way to use my time rather than sweating and complaining. I find some of the preaching of Hillsong is not to my liking but I rejoice that a friend of mine who has been through divorce and depression is an active member of the church and has found a community that has supported and sustained him through the rocky parts of his recent journey.

On Australia Day 2009 I appeal to all of the readers of this blog to put away complaining and bickering and to seek to find the positives in our brothers and sisters. Critique robustly but don't put people down and use your words to hurt people.

Hope Continued

2009-01-20T20:50:00.004+11:00

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines hope as " to desire with expectation of obtainment and to expect with confidence."

I have been reflecting a great deal on what I perceive to be apathy amongst many church attenders in Australia. People attend church on Sunday. Many of them stand in rows, sing a few songs, listen to a Biblical talk/lecture/sermon of approximately 30 minutes duration, sing some more songs and then move off to the area set aside for tea, coffee and biscuits.

Without wishing to be too reductionistic and judgmental if this is what the Christian life is all about then no wonder pretty much all of the people from outside of church culture that I interact with don't want any of it.

What I am wondering is - is this all it is for many people? What is the experience for people from other countries? Do many people see the gospel as simply a "ticket to heaven"? Why do people go to church but live the rest of their lives mostly indistinguishable from their neighbours?

Have we lost a sense of hope that can transform people, communities and cultures?

Free Emerging Church Books

2009-01-18T20:13:00.002+11:00

Yep, Free Books on the Emerging Church. Tall Skinny Kiwi who is a prolific and thoughtful blogger is traveling and is offering to post books free to anywhere in the world.

It is worth adding his blog to google reader if you have it.

To find out the details of the free book offer check the blog post for details.

If you take him up on the offer please encourage him. He is a great blogger and this is a wonderful gesture to those of us pushing at the boundaries of faith and culture.

Back from the Black

2009-01-17T11:48:00.003+11:00

Last weekend I descended into a black hole of depression and anxiety. It has been building for a while which is why the blog has been lying dormant for a while.

I need to give up taxi driving as soon as I can. Driving nights is not conducive to lowering one's anxiety. I was going to concoct a story for the owner of the taxi but on Thursday I went and met with his wife and himself for a cuppa and shared honestly about my struggles. I am only working Saturday night this week and then we will review my shifts. I have asked him to look for a replacement driver for the Friday and Saturday night shifts.

I will drop down to 3 nights and am exploring opportunities to return to part-time pastoral ministry with a church. I am on my medication and am waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist to review the medication and reassess me. Before I enter into preaching and pastoral ministry I want to be sure that I have good support and boundaries.

It's a very trying time and my marriage is just about surviving. My wife has found a good local church so I plan to drop Saturday asap so we can go to church as a family as part of the process of putting some normality back into our lives.

New Year, New Gathering

2009-01-01T19:59:00.001+11:00

My good friend Benjamin Wheatley has taken the bull by the horns and begun a blog for the Newcastle Cohort. Ben and I met for coffee late last year and discussed the idea of a loose gathering of people to talk about faith, Jesus and church.

I am really excited about this development. There are some good thinkers and practitioners in this part of the world that often get overlooked because of the size of Sydney and Melbourne.

As I look to establish a house church and build on the work of the pub church this is a timely opportunity to wrestle with issues of faith and practice in the 21st century.

Please consider adding the blog to your reader or favourites list as we begin to explore what it means to follow Jesus in Newcastle and the Hunter Valley.

Jesus Loves Me...more

2008-12-26T14:14:00.002+11:00

As I reflect upon 2008 and continue to look ahead to 2009 I have begun reading "A New Kind of Christian" by Brian McLaren and it is a veritable ray of sunshine in my darkness at the moment.

I have been out of church now for 9 months and am feeling ready, in early 2009, to begin steps towards beginning a house church. As I have pondered my journey which mirrors that of Dan Poole in the book I realize that one of the sticking points is the pseudo-priestly role of evangelical pastors in the eyes of some church members.

What I mean is that in the Catholic system the priest is called "Father" and you come to church to receive a word from the priest who is God's representative and voice. The priest gives communion as the agent who is able to offer the sacrament and is also able to dispense forgiveness. This is a very terse generalization but my concern is that the evangelical pastor often feels a subtle pressure to be right or more right than the church with which we don't agree. The church member turns up on a Sunday to sing some songs, feel good and then hear what advice and information the pastor can mediate from the pulpit. It is very much a priestly role and one with which I am not comfortable.

I recall my previous preaching engagements which were very well received but I found it frustrating trying to offer challenges and exhortations for people to make a difference in the Monday-Saturday part of life. Many people didn't seem to want to be challenged; they simply wanted to hear me offer a well-presented message that made them feel better about themselves and the next stop was morning tea and catching up with one's friends. I remember many a time when I would sit by myself at the end of the sermon despondent that people didn't seem to be too challenged or touched even though I had put all my heart into my exhortation. Yes, some people responded but the majority of people seemed to have a medium-level expectation which they weren't prepared to give up.

I don't want to be righter than the next man or more loved by Jesus; I just want to explore my own journey of faith and, as a pastor, I want to listen, share, dialogue and encourage others with their journeys of faith.

This is a ramble and a distillation of my thoughts. Any ideas?

Looking Back to Go Forward

2008-12-23T21:31:00.002+11:00

What a year. I haven't blogged in a while partly I think because the cumulative crap of this year piled up and landed in a heap on me as I reflected on 2008.

Went to UK at end of 2007. Didn't go all that well with my family. Came home to Oz a week earlier than scheduled. Falsely accused and stood down from ministry in my local church. Cleared by authorities but no apology or support from church except for a handful of people.

Ongoing problems with my middle son's autistic developments. Naturally there were tensions in the marriage with all the crap floating around. Where was God in all this?

Even though I feel like the man in the picture stretched to breaking; trying to find a way out of this year in one piece my confidence in God's love has never wavered. I have been pleasantly surprised to find that I have an abiding trust that God is there for me and my family.

I think this is why I find myself at the end of the year attempting church in a pub and driving a taxi because I want to meet people who need to find a deep sense of hope and purpose and tell them about this wonderful God who has loved us and sustained us through 2008.

Thank you to each of you who reads this blog, contacts me on facebook and has shown love and support that has really touched me deeply. Have a wonderful Christmas.

Light in the Darkness

2008-12-09T22:13:00.002+11:00

Tonight was very special.

I read some reflections from Eternal Echoes where Sally considers hope in the midst of struggle and the beauty of grace and sanctification when we are feeling in a dark place. I also read some of the birth narrative from Luke and I discussed the mixture of doubt and hope contained in the Christmas story.

Doubt must have arisen as shepherds and magi made their way to a stable in a provincial backwater to look for the Savior of the world. Amidst the doubt and tiredness of the journey was a growing sense of hope.

There were 4 of us upstairs in a pub on a Tuesday night and, as we discussed our doubts and reflected on what hope in God meant for each of us I felt that the church had turned a corner and rather than being my "thing" God had been allowed to come into our midst much like He came into our midst through the baby Jesus as the incarnated God.

After talking for a while I took out some candles and invited people to light a candle to symbolize our light in the darkness. People could pray aloud, meditate, reflect or just relax in the sense of hope amidst the busyness of this season.

As we sat with the flames flickering on the table in the middle of the group I closed my eyes and felt a profound sense of God's presence. I haven't been to church in 9 months except for one unsatisfactory appearance a few weeks ago and tonight I felt a sense of deep joy and gratitude as God came amongst us through His Spirit upstairs in a pub on a Tuesday night in December.

Jesus is truly our light in the darkness.

Erase Hate

2008-12-02T11:46:00.003+11:00

Yesterday was World AIDS Day a time to reflect on and remember a disease that is continuing to decimate scores of people across the world. I do not have any direct experience of AIDS but I have recently come into direct contact with the gay community who, sadly, have a close acquaintance with the disease.

As my personal blog for World AIDS Day I wanted to draw attention to a story that has touched me deeply. It is the story of Matthew Shepard.

Matthew Shepard was a young gay man who was conned into going in a vehicle with 2 young men. The two men, Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson, lead him to a remote area east of Laramie, Wyoming, where they demonstrated unimaginable acts of hate. Matthew was tied to a split-rail fence where he was beaten and left to die in the cold of the night. Almost 18 hours later he was found by a cyclist who initially mistook him for a scarecrow.

Matthew died on October 12, 1998 at 12:53 am at a hospital in Fort Collins, Colorado. His entire family was by his side for the last few days of his life. His funeral was attended by friends and family from around the world and gained the appropriate media attention that brought Matthew's story to the forefront of the fight against hate.

It is 10 years since the horrific events that led to the premature death of Matthew Shepard. The foundation bearing his name continues to raise awareness of hate and prejudice and seeks ways to overcome homophobia in modern society.

As we remember the countless people suffering from the AIDS virus I wanted to draw attention to the hate and prejudice that is still evident in society and in our churches towards gay and lesbian people. Today is the day to erase hate.

I Love Your Rain

2008-11-29T11:08:00.002+11:00

It is Saturday morning. I am normally sleeping but I had the luxury of a Friday night without driving a cab. This past month or so has been very stressful emotionally and spiritually and I have done a great deal of reflecting and seeking God in the midst of a prolonged storm.

A week or so ago I made a rare trip to the Christian bookstore and bought some reduced Vineyard CDs in order to help change the atmosphere of the house.

This morning I put on "You and You Alone by Vineyard Canada. I am not a rabid fan of much modern worship music but this is an exceptionally good CD and then I heard "Even Though" and God spoke to me in the midst of the rain and the Spirit touched me afresh with hope and grace.

Even though I can't see the sun
through these clouds
I know it still shines.

Even though I can't feel your love
through this pain
I know you're alive and

Even though I can't understand
Why this storm still blows and
even though I can't hear your voice
I love your rain.

What a beautiful song. Thank you God for meeting me today. Even though I can't understand why this storm still blows and even though I can't hear your voice I do love your rain.

Nobody

2008-11-25T12:12:00.002+11:00

"16For God expressed His love for the world in this way: He gave His only Son so that whoever believes in Him will not face everlasting destruction, but will have everlasting life." (The Voice)

I often think I'm a nobody; not as an act of false humility although that sometimes happens but because I feel like a nobody but I have come to realize that Jesus came for the nobodies. The verse above says "so that whoever believes in Him..." or we can translate it as "He gave His only Son for the nobodies who would believe in Him."

In pubs, gay bars, taxi rides and other places you find people who think they're nobody. I often come across people who pretend they're somebody in order to hide the face that they're a nobody. And even in the grand scheme of life the real somebodies and really nobodies.

I have recently come across a wonderful blog called Divine Nobodies. It is written by Jim Palmer "a nobody, neighbour and friend of all people." I wish I'd thought of that description first although I might steal it anyhow.

You can read about Jim's books here.

It just got me thinking is all. I feel like a nobody and I'm trying to get this pub church thing going and today I feel flat and frustrated but then again I have been found by a loving God who sought me out and gave me hope so today I pick myself up again and walk forward into God's future and God's plans.

High Calling Blogs

2008-11-24T22:05:00.002+11:00

I came across High Calling Blogs. It is a great hub for Christian blogs. It is more than a list of blogs in that it has great newsletters and links to resources.

If you are a Christian blogger I strongly encourage you to join up. They are a very responsive team of people and it is a wonderful community.

Chaos Theory

2008-11-24T20:41:00.002+11:00

No, this isn't an erudite scientific treatise but a reflection on my home life. I thought the picture captured how things are at the moment except that it's a little too neat for our house.

My wife and I are on an interesting journey called parenting and sometimes it is wonderful and sometimes I crawl through the day and hope that tomorrow will be easier.

We have a 7 year old son on the autistic spectrum, a 9 year old who is growing daily and pushing the boundaries from time to time and a 2 year old who is lovely and busy. We love our kids dearly and I thank God for them every day but sometimes it is really tough.

I know that all parents go through tough times and I know plenty of families who have done it tougher than us so this isn't an advertisement for a pity party. It's simply a reflection. In the midst of this journey it has been interesting to observe how my faith has reacted and developed to our life.

I don't quite know where this post is going. It might well reflect my tiredness and confusion. I have been through chronic depression and am now on medication. My ministry came, went and I am now rediscovering my calling. My 7 year old has ups and downs on a daily basis but despite, or rather because, of all this my faith seems to be more rock solid and real.

I think my struggle with my faith, the literalness of the Bible and the nature of prayer is a reflection of finding how and where God is in the midst of the chaos of life. I think my attempt at developing spirituality in the pub is a reflection of finding God in the here and now of life. I'm not sure if this makes sense. I did say it wasn't an erudite treatise but God is here.

rethink Christmas

2008-11-14T10:36:00.002+11:00

The following link contains a video from "The Advent Conspiracy"

It is a short but thought-provoking presentation about the getting of "stuff" over the Christmas period. Something Beautiful is a great site to explore.

Let me know your thoughts on the video. I am going to use it at pub church as part of provoking discussion about the festive season and values.

rethink Christmas

Posted using ShareThis

God at The Gateway

2008-11-13T21:09:00.002+11:00

Mark the date in your diaries - Tuesday November 11th, 2008. "The Spirit Well" began upstairs in "The Gateway" in Islington. I am so relieved, excited, inspired, blessed and satisfied and God is so wonderfully awesome. I am also extremely blessed in having so many people from across the globe praying and sending messages of support and encouragement.

I hadn't promoted the first meeting too much because I wanted to put out my vision and see if it resonated with the initial gathering. There were 5 people including myself and five others were due to come but couldn't make it so all the initial signs of life and need are encouraging.

Here is the schedule for the rest of this year and some ideas and thoughts for the future. I value and request input so feel free to add your comments and tell others to check out the blog, email me or join the facebook prayer group.

We are going to meet on the second and fourth Tuesday of the month at 7.30pm for a $5 meal in the bistro followed by the main meeting at 8pm.

Nov 25th - Short Film from Mosaic in LA followed by discussion

Dec 9th - The Advent Conspiracy - The Christmas story revisited

Dec 23rd - Christmas Party

One of the core group has extensive experience with liturgy and other ancient church practices and is keen to explore alt-worship events. I have been put in touch with a gay Christian in Sydney who is a top-class photographer and is putting together an exhibition of Christians who are seeking to bridge the gap between the church and the gay community. I am speaking to the pub about hosting a photographic exhibition in April or May next year. I am keen to get guest speakers in especially people who are prepared to explore spirituality and grace.

I am excited. God is definitely in control. For the first time in my ministry career I feel that I am where God wants me to be. Watch this space. I will try to be more diligent with blogging so thanks for your patience and love.

Gay Pride

2008-10-30T12:58:00.002+11:00

Last night I picked up a lady in the taxi and we got talking about unsociable working hours which led her to tell me that she was a chef which is why she understood my situation. Upon inquiring she told me that she worked at "The Gateway" which is the pub where I am going to start church.

"You might have heard of me, then", I said. "I'm the Baptist minister who is starting church upstairs in November."

Once we got to her destination we had a wonderful conversation about God, faith, church and discrimination. She hadn't really given religion much thought but was interested in what I was doing. She made the point that the fact that I was just there in the pub was an important statement and that people there would support my efforts.

What moved me most was that, just before getting out of the taxi, she looked at me and said "I am very proud of you." Wow. This lady, a lesbian herself, who had no connection with the church gave me such affirmation and support and I was truly humbled and encouraged. I promised to say hello next time I am in the pub and she has said she wants to pop up when I am doing church.

God is doing some great work.

Evangelism

2008-10-29T12:04:00.002+11:00

I have been trying very hard to find time to blog but life has a way of rolling you along and before you know it a week has gone by. While I haven't been actively blogging my thoughts I have been continuing my reflections on church planting and evangelism.

I have been reading voraciously and will put up thoughts in the next week or so on my recent reading.

As I was reflecting upon sharing faith with non-believing people I found this wonderful cartoon. Part of my musing has been around the fact that evangelicals seem, in some ways, to be committed to telling people that they are wrong.

As I have spoken to people in the taxi and in coffee shops I have come to realize that most people, to some degree, are very aware of the issues and problems in their lives. What they really need is a listening ear, compassion, grace and to be pointed towards Jesus. I think too many people are like the poor chap in the cartoon who have lots of good intentions but find judgmental attitudes creeping in to spoil the good news.

One thing I often say to young Christians who are interested in sharing the gospel is that Jesus gave two fundamental commands. He said "" 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" (Luke 10:27). What I recommend is that instead of being overly concerned with who is "in" and who is "out" and who are the good guys and what the population of heaven looks like simply concentrate on these two basic commandments. When we've got these worked out then we might have chance to worry about other things.

My point is that to fully love God with all of our being and love our neighbors as ourselves will radically alter the way we see other people and will transform our love for those who haven't yet got to know the wonderful love of God in Jesus.

Hospitality

2008-10-20T22:54:00.003+11:00

As my imperfect journey of faith and ministry moves on I have been given to pondering the importance of hospitality and the rewards that come from giving our time and attention to our neighbor whoever that might be.

Last week we had some friends over for a bbq and I was sharing about the key element of risk in determining where our relationships go. I was talking about a person who I met in the taxi who had a very dysfunctional life but was also clearly looking for support. As he spoke I knew immediately that the "risk moment" had arrived very quickly. I could drop him off with a polite platitude or I could offer to meet him at another time for coffee and thus begin a relationship.

Thankfully for me I took that "risk" because the rewards he has shown towards me in friendship and support have been huge. This is a man who has been through a 2 week rehab program to overcome alcohol abuse, who has just avoided a jail term and is on a 12 month good behavior bond and who works long hours on the production line of a factory. His life is busy, tiring and stressful and yet he continues to support my ministry although he is still not sure of the Christian faith.

As I was mulling over this concept of the "risk moment" where we can choose to hear the prompting of the Holy Spirit or switch off and think of our own selfish diaries I read the following in Church Re-Imagined by Doug Pagitt:

"At its core, hospitality is an act of faith. It is faith in God and faith in people. It is an open posture that views others not as threats, but as participants in the process of one another's redemption" (p.149).

What a beautiful concept - "Participants in one another's redemption" - you wouldn't want to miss out on such a gift would you?

Off The Fence

2008-10-16T03:59:00.002+11:00

Tonight I picked up a young lady in my taxi and we got into a conversation about the upcoming church plant. At this point she informed me that she was a lesbian and, although being raised as a Catholic, she felt that Church affiliation and Christian faith was incompatible with her sexual orientation.

We had a wonderful chat and I was able to wait for her to do what she had to do and then drive her back home so we got two trips in which to talk. Jess, her name, was a lovely person and told me about the homophobia that she had faced at times.

As I spoke to her I realized that, a long while ago now, I had moved off the fence and wanted to develop my homosexual agnostic stance. Here I will make clear that I believe a person can be gay and a Christian and they do not need to repent because I do not believe that Gay orientation is a sin. Promiscuity in any sexual orientation is a sin but Christians who are gay or in a gay relationship are still very much loved by God and a part of His Church.

Tonight I went to the gay bar to have dinner during my shift. I had a great chat with one of the bar staff who was openly gay. I shared honestly my aims in starting spiritual discussion at the pub and he suggested I attend the closing event of a week-long gay/lesbian festival in Newcastle which is a picnic and funday and he said I should take flyers because there would be people there who would want to connect with the type of discussion and community that I would like to foster.

In closing I want to share Jess' response to my story. She thanked me for caring about gay people and said that it made her feel good that a heterosexual Christian was prepared to become involved in the gay community in a loving, supportive, pastoral manner. It is these conversations that make the ministry worthwhile.

Blog Action Day

2008-10-16T03:30:00.002+11:00

Today was Blog Action Day and I reflected considerably on what angle to take with this worthy endeavor. Last week I received an email update from More Praxis which alerted me to a campaign to alert parliamentary members and raise awareness of students who are living below the poverty line.

In a recent survey it was found that one in eight Australian students regularly go without food or other necessities because of lack of money. The maximum Youth Allowance benefit that a student under 25 and living in a share house can receive is $245 per fortnight, which is 38% below the poverty line ($645.15 per fortnight).

Just Act is an excellent social justice resource from the Uniting Church of Australia and has information on this and other campaigns. It is important to put time and money into overseas aid projects but we also need to be aware of those in poverty in our own countries. The levels of poverty may be relative but we are still called to act as the people of God.

Church Re-Imagined

2008-10-14T17:13:00.002+11:00

I am currently reading "Church Reimagined" by Doug Pagitt and others. It is the story of how church works in the Solomon's Porch Community in Minneapolis.

Solomon's Porch (SP) is an attempt at doing church in different ways that are not reactive or anti-Institutional Church but are simply ideas to create a stronger sense of community.

They sit in a circle because it is difficult to build community by staring at the back of someone's head. no-one has a personal microphone because no one person's voice is more important than another. There is no stage and, because of the circular approach to seating there is no "front" to the church. All of the rooms are open for anyone to go into.

Just reading such a description can make it sound like some attempt at hippy-fied socialist experiment in cringeworthy church but, as you read the story, it is clear that this is a genuine effort to, as the title says, re-imagine Church.

I have been so inspired by this book. It is refreshing in its tone and exciting in the possibilities explored. Doug Pagitt makes it clear that this is not a blueprint for church nor is it the answer. It is a community on a journey to allow the life of Jesus to permeate all of their lives 24/7.

One of the joys of the book is that 6 members of the community wrote journals and excerpts are placed throughout the book. It is fascinating to see what this church looks like "on the ground" and "from the pews" as it were.

SP also write their own songs not as a reactionary measure but because they want to sing from their own experiences. Some of the lyrics are found at the end of each chapter. I have gone on to download songs from their website and will continue to share some more specific quotes and song lyrics in the next few posts.

If you want to dream about a church where we don't sit in rows and hear one person speak for 40 minutes and then have coffee and go home please read this book and let your horizons expand.

The Well...continued...

2008-10-14T14:49:00.002+11:00

The following picture shows the woman at the well. This story is becoming the inspiration for the church project in Newcastle as I begin to see the potential for meeting people at the well in the heat of the noon-day sun.

In meeting this woman Jesus stepped through and over all of the social conventions and he listened to her and met her where she was.

If anyone wants to know about this ministry be sure to tell them that I am simple, flawed person seeking to follow God in His plans.

Today I was told the local Baptist Association are prepared to give me up to $AU3,000 as an evangelism grant to buy a data projector and set up a web-site amongst other things. I cannot tell you how humbled and blown away I am right now.

I also found out that there are young Christians in our city who want to be involved and I was given the phone details of a couple in Sydney who work with the gay community.

God is opening doors wide and I am stepping through and I continue to walk and live in the aftermath of grace.

FREE access to SAGE Journals

2008-10-14T13:20:00.003+11:00

Until October 31st, 2008 you can get FREE access to Sage online journals dating back to 1999.

This a fantastic opportunity to search their database and get very high quality academic pdfs.

Rain Dance

2008-10-13T12:59:00.003+11:00

I have just been connected to a Christian friend here in Newcastle who has a thoughtful blog and this particular quote really encouraged me today:

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm,
but how to dance in the rain.'
AUTHOR UNKNOWN.

Bloggers Unite

2008-10-09T14:30:00.003+11:00

From a position of relative passivity regarding global affairs I now find myself involved in 2 initiatives. I recently posted about Blog Action Day and now I have come across Bloggers Unite who seem to take a key issue 2 or 3 times a year and encourage people to blog worldwide.

The issue of Refugees is huge and, again, impacts every nation. The photo that I selected for this blog shows Iraqi refugees and is heartbreaking.

Please consider supporting Bloggers Unite on November 10th.

Blog Action Day

2008-10-09T14:25:00.002+11:00

I'm not an activist. I don't march and I don't write letters. Maybe I should; but I don't.

I was reading Brackish Faith and noticed a banner for Blog Action Day and I realized, after looking into in, that this was something I could do.

On October 15th they are asking people to blog about the issue of "Poverty".

Please consider supporting this worthwhile endeavor by blogging and mobilizing global action for an issue that is seeping through every nation.

The Well

2008-10-08T11:51:00.002+11:00

After much discussion, suggestions and encouragement we are going with "The Well" for the name of the church.

As one of my friends wrote - "'The Well' sums up the dryness people feel, a sign of life, a bottomless pit for relationships and conversations, the depth of the community that can be
drawn."

It is a place people go for refreshment. It is a sign of life in the wilderness and it is where Jesus had a fantastic conversation with a Samaritan woman and broke all of the social conventions in the name of love and grace.

Talk about Love

2008-10-08T10:11:00.003+11:00

This cartoon is taken from the "Out of Ur" blog.

Prayer of Brokenness

2008-10-06T23:57:00.002+11:00

At Brackish Faith I found this beautiful prayer in the archives.

My brokenness,
leads me back to you.
Renew my heart.
My esteem matters not.
Not my will but yours be done.
Into your hands I commit my spirit.

Brackish Faith

2008-10-06T23:39:00.003+11:00

Tonight I had the great joy of finally meeting Benjamin Wheatley for coffee in Newcastle. Ben blogs at Brackish Faith.

I have had comments of appreciation about the choice of images for my blog posts but "Brackish Faith" stretched my creative resources and I hope the accompanying image does some justice to Ben's fine blog.

What was particularly encouraging for me tonight was finding some of like mind as far as creative expressions of church goes but, best of all, he filled me on the practices of praying the Daily Office.

I know for some of the readers of this blog I am going to set myself up as the naive young-ish thing that I am but I am really keen to know more about getting a disciplined liturgical prayer life in operation. I will keep you posted regarding my fumbling efforts to be a disciple of Jesus.

Critics

2008-10-06T23:21:00.002+11:00

I stole the following from a friend's blog so please check out Observations from the Sidelines.

I had heaps of encouragement today which I really appreciated but this cartoon made me chuckle as I thought of the critics that are on the prowl for anything to snipe at.

Black and White

2008-10-06T14:25:00.002+11:00

The longer I progress in my faith journey the more questions I have and less answers or less easy answers.

On November 11th I begin "church" upstairs in a gay bar. As part of the initial chat with the owner I told her that my name was on a statement called "100 Revs". If you look at the list you'll see me at no. 73

The basic details of the statement are:
"As ministers of various churches and denominations we recognize that the churches we belong to, and the church in general, have not been places of welcome for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender (GLBT) people."

"We are deeply sorry and ask for the forgiveness of the GLBT community. We long that the church would be a place of welcome for all people and commit ourselves to pursuing this goal."

One of most important points in terms of communicating this statement to the wider Christian community is this - "We ARE NOT making a statement on the biblical position on gay and lesbian relationships."

The fact that I am starting church in a gay pub is a complete act of God's purposes. I prayed for a venue and happened to pick the owner of "The Gateway" up in my taxi. I honestly explained who I was and what I wanted to do and she responded very graciously and generously.

One of oldest friends (we have known each other for over 20 years) is in a long-term loving lesbian relationship and now my brother-in-law has recently come out as gay. In fact, last night I popped in for coffee with himself and his partner.

Yesterday at a family lunch the church plans came up in discussion and there were some statements to the effect that of course homosexuality is wrong because the Bible says so and what happens when this arises as part of the church conversation. I think it was a surprise to my in-laws and other relatives to hear that my position is not so clear cut.

I will blog more on this over the coming days and weeks as I continue this journey but the point I made was that, firstly, I am concerned about people and not ideas as such. I appreciate scripture and I honour the Bible as the word of God but I am concerned at how selectively Christians pick and choose which Scriptures to take seriously and which to contextualize and which to simply ignore.

My ministry was nearly destroyed by lies and gossip and yet neither the people who wrote letters spreading the lies nor the people who received those letters and cut my family off have ever been disciplined or spoken to in any way and yet the Church is content to stand on the sidelines and condemn gay people. Yes, this is an emotive issue and, no, I haven't got clear answers but I do know that God has called me to love my neighbor.

Lift Off

2008-10-03T12:01:00.002+10:00

This morning at 10am I met the owner of "The Gateway" hotel in Islington, Newcastle and she showed me the mezzanine level with comfy lounges and a bistro down below.

On Tuesday November 11th church begins at 8pm. We will meet fortnightly and if I get hold of a projector screen I can show movies.

One of my friends, Alex, came along for support and encouragement. He has been to church twice in his life and is a great friend and advocate for the church concept.

I'll keep you posted on the blog but the idea is moving from concept to reality.

Holy Joes

2008-10-02T21:19:00.002+10:00

I have received a great deal of encouragement over these past few days and weeks and have looked at a lot of examples of organic church, emergent church and alternative church.

One of the people who has been a great encourager has been Steve Foster and Holy Joes, the church which he leads, is one of key templates that I am looking at to guide my own endeavors.

They meet downstairs in a church in London and journeyed through pub venues in a church basement but still hold their ethos of being communal, loving, alternative and vulnerable.

Please feel free to check their website and offer them encouragement and if you are in London anytime maybe pay them a visit.

The Journey Continues...

2008-10-02T20:58:00.003+10:00

Friday morning at 10am I meet with the owner of The Gateway Hotel in Islington which is one of the suburbs just outside the city centre of Newcastle in NSW. The photo is the actual pub in case you were wondering.

It is a renowned gay/lesbian bar and a short walk down the road is a popular place for roadside prostitutes. It is also the pub that has offered me a room for free, once a fortnight, to host spiritual discussion evenings and movie nights etc.

I am pretty excited because this will hopefully formalize the small community of people who are keen to explore spiritual questions in community and will help me to get the name out there. I can get cards done up with the basic info so people have somewhere to connect into or to invite their friends.

Please pray for wisdom as I keep seeking to follow Jesus.

Alternative Communities

2008-10-01T10:20:00.002+10:00

I have found an alternative co-moo-nity to reach out to.

Isn't he adorable? I can just picture him with his ipod sobbing into his beer in the corner.

Coffee House Churches

2008-09-30T08:54:00.002+10:00

I came across an interesting resource site called Coffeehouse Churches. It has some great ideas for creating church in neutral venues.

Another good site that links to it is called Everywhere Church.

Feel free to post feedback on ways that you are connecting with people outside of the four walls of our church buildings.

Tony Jones in Sydney

2008-09-30T06:07:00.002+10:00

Tonight I am going to Sydney to hear Tony Jones speak about the emerging church. Tony is the coordinator of Emergent Village and a the author of a number of works including "The New Christians". I am really looking forward to hearing his perspective and interacting with a different group of emerging practitioners. The evening is facilitated by the Church Army, an Anglican group so as a Baptist it will be great to meet a new group of Christians.

I will send some thoughts following the conference. This morning I hope to complete my book review for the Masters so I will find time to offer some thoughts resulting from this as well. After all of the emotional soul searching of the last few weeks I feel ready to get into some theological reflection and practice.

Recycling

2008-09-28T23:34:00.001+10:00

The photo was taken from the visit to my friend's farm a couple of weeks ago. As I reflected on this past week or so since I last posted it seemed somehow appropriate to the struggles and dreams that I am working through at the present time.

The picture looks fairly nondescript but it shows a pile of some of the freshest, richest compost that I have come across in a long time. I have to confess, up front, that I am no farmer but, having lived in Australia for over 10 years, I am very aware of the state of the ground after long periods of drought. To turn over the compost with a spade and smell the fresh earthy flavors rise and to feel the soft texture of the dirt was such a wonderful experience. I had never realized that the beauty of this planet could sneak up quite so gently and take me by surprise with joy and wonder.

To the uninitiated this could just look like a pile of dirt but to my friend, the farmer, it is the result of a slow process of reclamation by the elements and is the hope of new growth to emerge again as the growing cycle begins all over again.

I am reflecting on a couple of areas right now. Last week's holiday raised many more frustrations for me than positives. In some ways as I continue to struggle with mental illness and the issues of my past that seem to keep trying to ambush me I find the picture of the compost reassuring in that even the most unlikely parts of the growing cycle can be reused to create fresh growth. The compost pictured uses the cast off shells of macadamia nuts and the resultant compost is now being used for growing pumpkins.

Sometimes as I struggle to stem the tide of depression I feel like giving up on my dream of building a faith community for unchurched people in my city, Newcastle but then I see another analogy for the compost as I drive the streets in my taxi and see the sad aspects of the brokenness of this world. As I reflect on the drinking and immorality that seems to characterize the weekends of a large number of people I am led back again and again to the redemptive thread that runs through God's interactions with this world.

Can God take the problems and struggles of unchurched people and allow them to fall into his redemptive stream and be reborn into new life in Jesus Christ? I still believe that God is in the process of redeeming me and I still believe that God can redeem unchurched people and allow them to experience new hope and new life.

Wrecked

2008-09-19T10:01:00.003+10:00

On Thursday I went to a friend's property about 40 minutes from where I live. He grows macadamia nuts, pumpkins and water melon. My friend is in his early 70s and often invites me out to work with him on the farm and offer me mentoring and encouragement. In short, he is an absolute legend and a great man of God.

When we were up there this time I decided to take some photos. There is a part of the property that has been used for dirt bike riding and running old cars into the ground.

As I strolled around I came across the old wreck in the photo. I was careful looking inside because we had already found a venomous red belly black snake dozing under a log and the car seemed to be a perfect haven for reptiles until the weather warmed up some more.

I was looking around the farm and realized that instead of hunting for blog images online I could take my own (it's only taken me 4 years to figure this out). I was struck by the analogy that the car was once extremely useful and productive and possibly of great value to someone at one time but now it was rusted and abandoned and only good as a home for spiders and whatever else took a liking to the dingy, dirty interior.

When I read emerging church literature I am concerned that the institutional church is quite often depicted as the car in the photo. It was once productive and useful and was a great resource for many people but now it is a burnt out shell that can never be restored so why not build new streamlined churches complete with all of the trimmings to attract a postmodern culture.

I am aware that churches can hurt people; I know it first hand but that is no reason to stand on the sidelines and malign churches that have been and often still are in some shape or form a part of the Body of Christ on this earth. As I consider the nature of the missional faith community that is starting to become more than a dream I have been considering the faithful people across my city who seek, in various ways, big and small, to serve Christ.

Whatever I do I want to be another expression of church to a mission field that is largely untapped. I am not called to serve those who like a diet of hymns and sermons but I respect and honor those people. I am not called to the youth church scene of lights, bands and bright vibrant services but I will pray with them for the youth of our city.

When I find myself becoming proud that I am "out there doing evangelism" and I start to feel smug I consider the lives that have been profoundly touched and are still being touched in ways that sometimes only God knows. I could pull out a 101 critiques of the church but then again I can point out 101 critiques of my own world so I'd rather just put my hand to the plough and find the patch where God has called me to raise up harvesters.

By this will all men know that you are my disciples; that you love one another. How about we start loving each other today?

Emerging from Winter

2008-09-12T12:34:00.002+10:00

As winter passes subtly into spring in the Southern Hemisphere it has prompted me to reflect on the unlikely places where God's spirit continues to breathe life into our world.

The photo is taken from Yosemite National Park and shows a plant emerging from the barren landscape.

This week I have been given so much encouragement to pursue my vision of reaching the unchurched pub/club subculture of Newcastle with the love and grace of God.

On Wednesday I called in to visit some unchurched friends and we got to talking about the faith community and where it is at. I shared with them an idea of getting a room in a pub and having a fortnightly gathering. At that evening I planned to show occasional dvds under the title "God at the Movies".

Alex, went over to his dvd collection and pulled out "V for Vendetta" and handed it to me and said "Let's watch this one first" and then proceeded to tell me all of the spiritual questions that the film raised. I have an eager group of young people, a heart for the city and lots of encouragement from many different quarters. I feel now that I should just meet with the people God has put before me and start building a small community.

I still have a meeting to come in October with the Baptist Union and I am connecting in with a home group at the church my wife is attending so I can look after my own spiritual needs but I feel like I just need to meet fortnightly and in the meantime get the longer term planning group going in November but really just meet and see what God wants to do.

Please continue to pray for the ministry. I am approaching pubs for a room one night a week and also talking to someone about a permanent venue. I am also considering how and when and if to reduce the nights I drive the taxi. In the midst of the winter that is Newcastle city centre God is pouring out his love and with the Spring comes the first signs of new life.

Language of Faith

2008-09-05T14:45:00.002+10:00

What is it that Christians should be communicating to unchurched people and how do we get past the jargon, misperceptions and strangeness of some of the concepts that we wish to share?

How do we manage the tension between straight out propositionalism on the one hand and liberal experientialism on the other? This is the crux of a paper that I am presenting on Tuesday 16th September at a conference at the college I am studying with.

It's tough. I find myself, by inclination, leaning more towards love, acceptance and community but wanting to address the underlying agenda that I carry with we which is saving faith in Jesus Christ.

Australia is in a very post-Church era where many people are not anti church so much as over church. I am determined to think, pray and work through this issue. What concerns me is that so many people are still writing about evangelism and the unchurched from within the safety of Christian communities. I am trying to figure this out through friendships with unchurched people. As I work towards planting a faith community I am trying to negotiate the expectations and perceptions of the local church and help people see a longer term view of belonging that leads to believing.

Any ideas or comments?

Reaching the Unchurched

2008-09-02T17:26:00.003+10:00

One of the keys to reaching unchurched people is a point of decision; that moment when we realize that we can commit to journeying with someone as they seek faith and understanding or we decide that it's all too hard and close off the conversation.

On Sunday night I had a phone call from some regular customers with the request that I take them to a local pub. Alex, my friend, also asked if I wanted to call in at McDonalds to catch up with them. McDonalds is across the road from this particular night spot so I joined these new friends for a burger and a chat.

As we neared McDonalds one of the group asked me where the plans for a church plant were at. I was only midway through the conversation when we had pulled up in the car park so I suggested we go and grab our burgers. All four of these young people protested and asked me to finish telling them about the church project.

These are exciting times as I begin to form friendships with many unchurched people in Newcastle. Alex, who I am in touch with most has agreed to be a part of the core planning group for the faith community. I am really being guided by God as the project unfolds and develops. What I thought of in terms of a church plant is evolving into something much more fluid and people-focused.

The core planning group will not commence meeting until November and in the mean time I am presenting my thoughts regarding evangelism to the unchurched at a conference at my college on September 18th and working at the main paper for the MTh which is due to be completed by early November.

My academic supervisor is encouraging me to work towards publishing these insights from the faith journey and I am journalling the conversations from the taxi for a book project that I hope to use as part of a project to equip and challenge the local church in Australia and beyond.

As the project continues and as conversations develop and change I will continue to track the progress through the blog.

Encouragement

2008-09-01T00:29:00.003+10:00

The road that is before us sometimes tests us in many ways but, if we look and listen, we will often find signs of encouragement to keep us focused on the journey ahead.

Today I felt flat and discouraged and lost sight of where I was headed and felt depression creeping in so I posted a comment on Facebook. Within an hour two of my friends had emailed me. These are Facebook friends and not men that I know all that well but they both sent through encouraging and uplifting messages.

Tonight, as I was driving the taxi, one of my unchurched friends phoned me and asked if I would pick up 4 of them, drop them at McDonalds and also if I fancied popping in with them for a break and a chat.

We arrived at the carpark of McDonalds and they wanted to know where I was up to with the idea to plant a missional faith community in the city. I was keen to get a burger but they stayed in the car with me for a good 10 minutes offering encouragment and comments. Not one of the 3 blokes and a girl were Christians. Alex, 19, has agreed to be a part of the core group to dream this project into life. He is searching for God and asking deep questions of faith. Alex is keen to join the intial group and I have encouraged him to ask hard questions and challenge us to meet the needs of the unchurched of the city. I pray that as he joins with me on the journey that God has laid before me he will also come to know the magnificent grace and love of my God.

Today I came to God weary and heavy laden and he took the load from me and sent me fellow travelers to encourage me. I am so, so glad that I am a child of God.

Humility

2008-08-26T13:18:00.003+10:00

It's been said that humility is a strange thing; the minute you think you've got it you've lost it. I think I had it and lost it and now that I'm aware that I've lost it I think I may have found it again if you know what I mean.

The image for this particular post is just how I feel right now. I don't want this blog to be about me all the time as if this is some online pity party but I do want to be honest so I can successfully navigate the journey that God has called me to and, hopefully, inspire others along the way.

Today I am led to consider Psalm 25:1-3

"To you, O LORD, I lift up my soul;

in you I trust, O my God. Do not let me be put to shame, nor let my enemies triumph over me.

No one whose hope is in you will ever be put to shame, but they will be put to shame who are treacherous without excuse."

Sometimes when we feel wretched before God and we survey the wreckage that can become our lives at times then we all that we have left is to kneel before God and bare our soul in humility. My prayer today is that I will not be put to shame. I will continue to drive a taxi, talk about God, work towards planting a missional community, be a dad and seek to be a good husband. In the midst of all of this I put my trust, once again, in God.

I took my eyes off the prize and have not always run a straight race but today I choose life and the goal to which I am called in Christ Jesus.

Compromise - Part Two

2008-08-24T22:52:00.002+10:00

I've committed to be open and honest in this blog and this is no exception. This last week has been so encouraging as people both churched and unchurched have begun to catch the vision that I have for a presence in Newcastle CBD to reach out to the pub/club subculture. I certainly feel that I am called and equipped for such a role and am praying for and talking about others who may want to join me in the vision.

There is a downside to ministering in such an environment and that is the constant spiritual and emotional bombardment. I hear and see things that I don't want to be a party to. I hear men who have zero respect for women; I listen to very open lesbians; I hear people talk about sex in all sorts of ways; I hear teens talking about their search for ecstacy pills for the night; I see people vomit; I get some women who tell me that I am good looking and my ego battles and I feel ashamed at my humanness and frailty.

Tonight I became aware of how much I need to be accountable and how much I need to get my personal spiritual life in order because the temptations to compromise in many ways is huge. I have noticed that my conversation shows signs of compromise; I swear now and then and go along with men who tell me about their visit to a brothel and what she did. I don't agree with everything but as far as they are aware I am another member of the male fraternity and I don't like that assumption or perception.

I feel called to be a Christian presence in an area where the church is not very present or relevant but I need to be strong in many ways. I feel tired tonight and ashamed of choices of I have made. I upset my wife tonight and I am not proud of that. Please pray for us as we seek to serve God, raise our kids and build a healthy marriage.

Compromise

2008-08-18T12:47:00.003+10:00

To even engage in discussion with someone with another religious/faith position is, to some Christians, akin to unleashing a Frankenstein's monster of compromise and syncretism. But is dialogue necessarily a bad thing?

Tomorrow I meet with a representative of the Baptist Union of NSW to discuss the church plant idea and making it a reality. As I have been reflecting on the vision in readiness for the meeting I have been wrestling with the desire to introduce people to Jesus but without forcing an agenda onto seekers too soon and, thus, alienating them.

A couple of weeks ago I met with three unchurched friends and they all affirmed and supported the idea of a faith community and a place for discussion and searching. They were aged between 19 and 26 and I asked what advice they had as far as presenting topics to unchurched people. They said they didn't want to be preached at and they wanted their views to be respected and affirmed. This, by the way, was precisely their problem with institutional Christianity as they saw it; it preached dogmatically and was unwilling to allow people to hold their own views whilst journeying towards faith in God as Christians understand it.

If I talk openly with a Buddhist and even learn things from her own faith journey am I already building the monster that will turn on its creator or am I laying the path towards truth? Can I listen, humbly and sincerely, to a New Age believer and welcome them regularly into a faith community and still hold firm to my own faith position while supporting them in their journey?

I told my friends that, by virtue of my position and integrity, I had to confess to having an agenda. To give them the idea that all faith positions were valid and the discussions were merely a study of religions would have been a false starting point. I did say, though, that if someone can for months and didn't convert to Christianity I would still welcome them and affirm them as an integral part of the faith community.

As I continue on this journey I'd appreciate input. The regular readers of this blog are a consistent source of love, encouragment and challenge. I welcome and embrace your thoughts.

Narrative

2008-08-08T13:21:00.003+10:00

A couple of weeks ago I met with my supervising professor to talk about the direction of my Masters program. We agreed that I would spend this semester doing Independent Guided Study which basically means that within a set word count we set the parameters of the paper(s). The topic we settled on in light of my vision for planting a faith community was Narrative Theology. I am in the process of writing a 2,000 word book review of "The Nature of Doctrine" by George Lindbeck followed by a 7,000 word paper on Narrative Theology where I will intersperse stories from the taxi with theological reflection.

As I have researched this topic and the whole concept of how we do evangelism and how we interact with our stories and the stories of unchurched people I have found some intriguing material. A fascinating website is The Tangible Kingdom. This is the project of some people in Denver who wanted to connect with unchurched people. You can get a preview of the book by following the link at the bottom of the home page.

What is interesting me is that there is an untapped mission field in our urban communities of people who have a story to tell and are interested in our story if they are given the space to share their own journey. Last week I picked up a young man from a party. He was probably in his late 20s and looked fairly street wise. He wore a hooded top which in Newcastle at the moment is often a sign of a gang-type mentality. As we drove to his home the topic of my life outside taxi driving came up and I mentioned that I was an ordained Baptist pastor and my idea of a faith community.

We had about 10 minutes to go to our destination and he said "So what can you tell me about myself in the time we have left?" I didn't know quite what to say so he continued, "Is it okay for me to be out on the piss on a Saturday night?" I said that I didn't want to make any judgments but sometimes people got drunk to escape the realities of life at which he tapped his head and said "I have plenty of demons up here." He went on to briefly tell me that he thought there was more to this world than what we could see and he thought there might be something that I would call God.

As he hopped out at his house he asked for my phone number and said he would be interested in talking more about my project and more about God. I am a novice at this so don't hold me up as a model of narrative evangelism but I am finding that as I show a genuine concern and interest in people they soon open up to discuss faith and spirituality. Each person is a complex web of stories that have been knit together over a number of years and we need to be careful not to impose our values or our narrative on them too soon. As I listen and engage I am finding that unchurched people open a door at some point and invite me to find a point of connection with my story and their story. This is the heart of the project I am working through at this time.

Water Under The Bridge

2008-08-06T03:21:00.002+10:00

It seems more difficult to find the time to blog with all of the activity that life seems to generate. IF anyone wants to keep up with my prayer needs and ministry updates you can add me in Facebook and send me a message asking to join the prayer list.

My wife and I have had long discussions about how to respond to the many unchurched people that I am connecting with in the taxi. Over the last week or so I have met with one of the key church planting people for the Baptists in NSW and have another meeting in Newcastle on Friday August 15th. There is a lot of interest in my ideas for reaching a group who are well outside of the church's normal sphere of influence.

What I think is most exciting is that I met 3 unchurched friends in a pub last week and asked them for their opinions on my idea to start a faith community/discussion space for anyone interested in spirituality. They were 19, 21 and 26 and gave me great feedback, endorsed the idea and, as I found out later, began telling their friends.

My wife, Tanya, has come up with the name "Water Under The Bridge" which we are going with at the moment. I am still not sure of the exact shape of the community or details. I am going to meet with the owner of 2 pubs in the city about possibly using a room outside of the pub hours. The nature of the idea is that is fluid and collaborative and will adapt to meet the needs and questions of the community.

One of the things that I spoke to my unchurched friends about was the need to create a safe, loving space where people can feel support and nurtured. They were adamant that they did not wish to be preached at and wanted the space to explore spirituality in their own time.

I'll keep you posted both here and on Facebook but God has highlighted a need and we are talking with interested Christians about how best to meet that need in a sensitive, loving way.

Kaleidoscope

2008-07-28T18:36:00.004+10:00

The spiritual world reminds me of a kaleidoscope. I love this fractal image with its colors, hues, shapes and many beginnings and ends.

I have just finished reading Don Carson's interaction with the Emergent Church phenomena and have been informed and challenged by his work.

The first thing to say is that it is an extremely well written book. If anyone needs to know how to present a well reasoned academic discussion that is both gracious and able to critique then this is a great place to start.

As far as engaging with the emerging church Carson deals with some good examples of the movement and doesn't focus solely on Brian McClaren although McClaren is well covered. There is a very good overview of the positive and negative aspects of postmodern thought as well as an effort to capture the practical meaning of postmodernism as opposed to the amorphous way in which the word is sometimes used to cover anything relatively new.

What I missed in Carson's conclusions were any mention of spiritual gifts or the demonstration of God's power that transcended human words and teaching. As I review the emerging church and ways to engage with the "post-Christian" Western world I see a lot of words and teaching and I wonder if we have moved past propositional teaching or even if there is any need to move past propositional evangelism.

Carson comes from an academic, Reformed background and although I resonated with most of the book I wanted some discussion about how postmoderns want/need to see the power of God in action as opposed to simply more and more words. I am planning to write on this topic for the long paper component of my Masters but I am interested in comments to guide my thinking.

In the many efforts of sections of the church to engage with the postmodern world I want to explore how we demonstrate God's power. I have been bolder in the taxi and have been trying to tell people about what God is like and what he does as opposed to getting knotted up in long, winding discussions about religion and truth. This is not to say that it is not important to address concerns about religion and truth claims but in doing so we can sometimes move God off the agenda and depersonalize the trinity.

Can anyone join in the discussion and help my thinking?

Talking about God

2008-07-22T09:33:00.002+10:00

Last week in the cab I took two lads in their early 20s from the pub for quite a long journey home so we had plenty of things to talk about during the ride. As I common they asked me what I had done before driving taxis and so I was able to talk about pastoral ministry. Very quickly the conversation turned to their problems with religion. They had been to church as kids, had friends who were Christians but they couldn't see any point in church and they had grown disillusioned with the Israel-Palestine conflict and the "War on Terror".

Earlier that night I had picked up another young man in his early 20s who told me that he had attended a Christian school but had moved away from his faith with, once again, a general disillusionment and apathy with regards to religion. When I picked him up he was quite drunk but still very able to have a conversation.

In both of these instances I was struck by the need to do more than simply agree with their grievances. I was happy to discuss the Middle East conflict in passing but apart from anything it is an extremely complex topic that can unnecessarily bog down a conversation. I have realized, in the taxi conversations that it is easy to wander around topics and leave the passenger feeling listened to and affirmed but with little in the way of resolution or, at the least, a challenge to think differently.

I find it easy to be agreeable and nice but have been continuing to think through what it is that Christians are to communicate. Are we called to be nice, loving people in the hope that others will be somehow infected with this "niceness" and want to find out more about God? Are we called to persuade people with the propositional facts of the gospel in the hope that they will be persuaded and want to make a Christian commitment? Or is there a middle way?

As I continue to read, write and think on this complex topic I have found a way that seems to be more satisfying to me and that is to have a high regard for the power of God. I listen, affirm and am not at all patronizing but at some point I seek to separate religion from the issue of who God is and what God is like. As I start to talk about God as a living, active being who can and will engage with us now I find that people are interested to know more. The other person may not entirely agree but they are intrigued to hear the view that God answers prayer, that God can heal people and that God can speak to us.

What I have found that people are seeking is someone to tell them that God is real because this concept contains the germ of hope, relationship and purpose. I am going to put together a longer paper on this topic but I'd be certainly interested in feedback.

Relationships

2008-07-16T19:50:00.002+10:00

Who told me that when you're a Christian marriage and relationships are supposed to be easy? Well, actually, no-one told me that but you get the impression if you set foot in a church that life is rosy back at the homestead. Most churches I have attended on a Sunday seem to be populated by copies of "The Waltons" (yes, I am showing my age - contact me if the TV illustration has gone over your head).

I have been married for over 12 years and we have gone through a fair few trials. On top of everything else our middle son has an autistic disorder and can prove to be very challenging.

We came through some difficulties in recent times with the false allegations that were made about me which resulted in us leaving our local church and my stepping down from active ministry. Recently we have been feeling that God is calling us to lead a church plant. Lo and behold we are attacked again. The temptation to stick my head in the sand, pull back from ministry and hope that it all goes away is very strong.

Right now we are struggling. For lots of reasons I am not the best husband in the world. I share this, not out of a false sense of humility, but out of honesty in order for you to pray. I believe in a real devil and in the real presence of enemy forces that seek to disrupt and pull down Christian ministries and Christian families. As I have thought through postmodern ideas I toyed with the idea that evil was a concept but looking back on prayer ministry I have done in the past and the countless "coincidences" where I seek to serve God and troubles come has made me aware of the reality of evil.

It is at this time that I need to fall back on the rock of my life which is Jesus Christ. Too often I have fallen back on habit, addiction, arguments and counseling. Some of these are not wrong but they are also not solid foundations. If I am to build a strong marriage, family and Christian ministry then all that I do must start and finish with Jesus.

I hope this makes sense. I keep planning to write something erudite but I always end up being vulnerable. Please pray. My wife is a great woman and I am very blessed. There are two sides to every story but I am prepared to accept that my part is pretty poor right now and I need wisdom and strength to move forward successfully.

Listen

2008-07-07T22:52:00.002+10:00

The old saying says that we have two ears and one mouth because we need to listen twice as much as we talk. I think the old adages need dusting down and seeing the light of day again.

We live in a world of noise and information where we are assailed with facts, figures, soundbites, advertisements, conversation and messages from all angles. In the midst of this confusion of sound we do well to discern the truth.I have noticed driving the taxi that people really do want to be listened to.

A young lady in her early 20s got in last week and I asked how her day had gone as I do most passengers. "Terrible" she replied. "It's been an awful week. Don't ask" she went on to say. "I asked the question and I don't mind what answer I get" I said. With that opening she poured out a story of betrayal at work by a colleague and by the company that she works for. She told me about the Union supporting her in a strong case and how she just wanted to be respected as a young woman in the corporate world.

The story she told me was not unfamiliar although, nevertheless, sad. What interested me was that when we arrived at her destination she sat for around 5 minutes relating this story. She was unapologetic and was glad to unburden herself. I really don't mind people talking because I say "How was your day?" expecting all sorts of answers.

I have noticed that "How are you?" is another way of saying "Hello". There is no intention behind the words in most cases. All societies have their variations but the message conveyed is that people will be polite but please don't engage with me beyond this facade of respectability. Taxis are known as modern day confessionals and I am trying to be genuine in my responses.

Take time today to listen to someone. It could well change your day for the better.

Emerging from the Shadows

2008-07-02T10:26:00.003+10:00

Driving around talking to people about faith and God has caused me to think more about how Christians communicate their faith. One of the key developments of the past few years is what has come to be known as the Emerging or Emergent Church.

The Emerging Church movement seeks to develop churches that are more attractive to those outside of the institutional church culture.

Many people these days are not comfortable standing and singing songs with other people or sitting through a long exposition of the Bible. Various groups have sought ways to bridge this divide and present the message of Jesus Christ in a more manageable format.

As I have reflected on this and investigated contemporary church responses to what may be called the post-Church era I have found myself uneasy at one particular aspect. It seems that some new churches may just be a response by bored, disenfranchised Christians who want to do something that they like. These Christians get together with like-minded Christians and form a new, contemporary church which they all enjoy. What has happened is that it the same Church in different clothes. To be blunt, these churches are still glorified social clubs.

What I am praying through is how to connect with the people I meet in the taxi and not creating a trendy cafe church environment for Christians who lack a stable social network. If anyone has any information on setting up a cafe church please let me know. I have sounded out the idea with non-Christians and a lapsed Anglican and have received a very positive response. One person, last week, told me he was in and I haven't got anywhere for him to be "in" yet!

Too much of what passes as Christian responses to the postmodern era is a shifting of the deck chairs on the Titanic. I don't want to rearrange a sinking ship; I want to be part of manning the life boats and discovering a new place where people can ask difficult questions, explore spirituality and journey towards Jesus without feeling judged or condemned.

Drugs

2008-06-21T13:10:00.003+10:00

I drive a taxi in Newcastle, NSW approximately 2 hours north of Sydney. In recent month the local council have imposed a curfew so that all patrons need to be in the pub/club of their choice by 1am or else they are locked out. The pubs/clubs then stay open till 3am but no more patrons are allowed in after 1am.

This measure was supposed to be a response to fighting and other loutish behavior on the streets on Friday and Saturday nights. I suppose it has had some effect although it seems to be more about noise minimization for people who have bought trendy apartments near to the main clubbing areas of the city.

As I drive around many people ask about my own personal safety and about the different episodes that occur across the town. 2 weeks ago I was in my taxi at a rank and witnessed a brawl involving a dozen or more young men. There have been other incidents mostly involving young men in their 20s and early 30s.

The general consensus is that alcohol is not the main factor. The unknown factor is illicit drug use. I took 3 people home last night who were more than drunk and one of the passengers told me that he had quite a few pills on him. It is this addition of chemicals to the usual weekend ritual of letting off steam that, I believe, is causing the greatest difficulties.

I guess my next question is what part I can play if any in trying to arrest this decline of the values of the young people in our societies? I am not sure of my role outside that of making a living to support my family. I would like to do more than just ferry people from point A to point B but I am not sure what I can do. Any thoughts?

40

2008-06-15T23:08:00.002+10:00

On Thursday June 12th I turned 40. I have the most wonderful few days with family and friends celebrating and reflecting on all of the good that is in my life.

Today, Sunday, we held a party at my house which my wonderful wife spent a long, long time preparing with the help of her sister. The last few months have been fraught with difficulties but my wife has stood by me with admirable faithfulness and trust which I do not take lightly.

I reflected this evening on the people that attended the party and I am so fortunate to have friends who are not "pew sitters" or casual spiritual travelers but people who are serious about their faith and the need for it to be a lived faith. I am not sure how well I would have made the past weeks and months without some very, very supportive friends.

All of this has bought home to me the need for us to get serious about Christian community. The word "community" should not be a convenient buzzword for Church strategy meetings but it should be a mindset that churches adopt that fans out into the community.

Sadly, from our recent experience, we have encountered people that espoused community rhetoric but opted for judgment and gracelessness when the chips were down. This is not the example that Jesus presented to His Church.

If you are reading this then you are also a part of my network and for that I am also grateful. I grow as I learn from others and I appreciate all of my associations and the polishing that they bring to this rough gemstone.

I am confident that God has great things in store for me and my family in the years to come. God has shown His faithfulness to me and I am going to tell the world.

Hope

2008-06-09T16:15:00.004+10:00

I am off work now for a couple of days so as well as spending time with Tanya and the boys and finishing my paper on narrative criticism I will fit in some blogging in the form of my latest reflections from the drivers seat of my taxi.

Today is a public holiday in most of Australia and the day off work on Monday prompted a lot of people to descend on the city for a night of drinking.

Coming, as I do, from a family who have and still do get drunk I am well aware of the dynamics of drinking and do not stand in judgment over the people who come into my cab. It is too easy to sit on the sidelines tut-tutting and pontificating from our pulpits without actually seeking to understand what leads people to binge drink.

The issue of binge drinking is a hot topic in Australia at the moment with various methods employed to try and stem the violence that often accompanies large crowds of drunken young people. What strikes me though is that the percentage of people who cause trouble is very, very small and there are a lot of people who are looking to enjoy themselves. It is this issue that I want to consider briefly.

Again, it is too easy to make simplistic comments from within our Christian enclaves regarding the fact that people work all week, drink on the weekends and save for the summer vacation and this constitutes the basic dynamics for most people. The truth is much more complex as I am finding out as people begin to open up on their taxi journey. The people I meet are, generally speaking, decent people who lack a deeper sense of hope that can lift their sights from the limitations of the 21st century western world.

I recall an old hymn that says "Because He lives I can face tomorrow. Because He lives all fear is gone. Because He lives I can face the future. Life is worth the living just because He lives."

In 1 Cor 15:14 Paul wrote " And if Christ was not raised, then all our preaching is useless, and your trust in God is useless."

The Christian hope rests firmly on the fact that Jesus Christ was raised from the dead. It is this fundamental belief that keeps me striving to help those who have not heard this good news. The people around us are not evil (or, to use the Christian euphemism, "worldly") but simply people who do not have a deep seated hope to even taken them through the working week sometimes so alcohol provides a suitable avenue for relieving tension, relaxing people and opening up conversation but, unfortunately, it is also addictive and insidiously saps any hope that is there.

In summary the Christian hope is vitally important to the Church and something that needs to be taken outside the doors of the church and into a community that, although they do not say in so many words, need and want to hear that Jesus Christ is risen from the dead.

Time

2008-06-04T09:30:00.004+10:00

My plan was/is to blog at least every couple of days but I seem to be in a battle for time. I had a very successful week, financially, with the taxi driving but I worked 55 hours to do it. My wife is happy with me driving and we are able to pay our bills and actually start saving some money for once.

I am still not attending a church and still working through what this means for the future. I am constantly challenged by the mistrust of Church amongst the broader community.

Today I am going to attempt to complete a big block of my paper on narrative criticism. Trying to get my head around study after a 55 hour week as well as attending to my wife and children is a big ask but I am determined to give time to the Masters degree.

If anyone knows of any good apologetic resources please can you let me know. I want to be able to begin to challenge some of the responses I am getting as far as basic questions about God are concerned. I think what troubles me the most is that there are many people in their late teens and early 20s who don't seem to understand love. In order to evangelize we speak about God's love for people and so these people are a step back even further in the process. I will pray that God uses me to demonstrate His love.

Hard as Nails

2008-05-26T14:17:00.002+10:00

I have just been totally and utterly inspired. It is my first day off and, surprisingly, I woke early so I decided to get up. I flicked on the TV and caught a documentary made my HBO about a radical unordained Catholic Minister from Syracuse, New York, called Justin Fatica.

This man is walking talking 24/7 passion for Jesus. With the journey I am on right now and seeking ways to share my love for Christ as I drive the taxi this was a divine appointment.

Check out www.hanm.org for further info. If you are in the US or Canada you might be able to get HBO. I saw it on Showcase on the Foxtel network in Australia. If you want to be challenged and confronted then get a hold of it.

This is a man and a ministry that gets right in the face of troubled teens in a way that can be offensive at times but they get to the heart of what it is to live 24/7 for the one who died for the WHOLE world. As I meet more and more lost people I am realising that I need to be bolder in sharing my faith and the hope that is found in Jesus.

Passengers

2008-05-25T12:56:00.003+10:00

The taxi driving is wonderful. Last night I met a man who was a doctor in both senses i.e. a doctor of medicine with a doctorate. He was a pathologist with an interest in molecular biology. As we proceeded with our discussion over the course of a 20 minute taxi ride it became clear that he was also a Christian.

He was very open about talking of the complexity of the universe and his own discoveries at a molecular level and how science was appreciating the complex design of the universe at every level. He has taken one of my taxi cards and we will meet up again in the future.

I am still interested in the fact that whenever I mention that I am an ordained Baptist pastor I get no negative reaction whatsoever. The issues that people have are always with Church as an institution. I am not attending a church at this time and working through where I should be as far as a Christian community is concerned. My in-laws wrote a letter to the church leadership supporting me fully and the letter was read to the Diaconate and I have not had one person contact me. It seems that the church has put the allegations against me into the "too hard basket" and are getting on with the business of church.

Over Church

2008-05-23T02:53:00.003+10:00

Before I begin...thanks to all those who have supported me in this time with comments here or personal emails. I have really appreciated it.

I attached an image of a derelict church because in some ways it depicts how I feel at this point in time. As I drive around I meet many people who are interested in Jesus and faith in general but who see the institution of the Church as an archaic monument to former customs.

When I go driving I pray for God's presence and blessing and I am conscious that I am being Jesus to all those who come my way. It is a challenging and liberating time as I seek to live my faith outside of the confines of a local church.

I have a great fellowship of believers but they are scattered across Newcastle, Sydney and further afield. I have prayer support, love and people with whom I can confess my struggles. I have all that is needed of a Christian community but I don't "attend" a building on a Sunday. I am still working through the future ramifications of this as a Christian and a pastor but it is certainly a spiritually enriching time.

If you have any comments please send them my way because I want to be wise and to grow through this time.

Trials

2008-05-21T10:25:00.002+10:00

7 weeks ago life was going along smoothly. I was preaching once a month and people were responding well to the messages. I was due to preach for 3 weeks in a row to cover for the pastor's holidays and many people had told me that they were looking forward to my sermons.

I had finished my application to become a taxi driver and my intention was, and still is, to use this as a means of earning income but also to evangelize and speak to a wide variety of people about issues of faith and life.

Around this time I had a visit from the police. An extremely serious allegation had been made about me by a family in the church. I later found out that the police only told me part of the allegations but the full scope of the issue soon came to light. The police and the other government body involved both told me that there was absolutely no evidence and after 20 minutes said that they definitely would not be pursuing the case against me. As far as the legal authorities went it was case closed.

The only other question the policeman asked me was whether this family had a grudge against me to which I answered "no". I had no reason to think that someone would try to ruin my life and my reputation. The police officer advised me to stay away from this family which I have done.

The response of the church has been altogether different. I am an ordained Baptist pastor with a wife and 3 young boys. I have my issues but I have always sought to live with integrity. The wife of the family in question went around telling people of the allegations as if they were fact although they had been legally dismissed as groundless. People in the church began to believe her without taking to either myself or my wife. Thus began the hardest part of this journey so far. People stopped talking to me; someone emailed the pastor and said that they would attend church if I was still there; I was asked not to preach for the 3 week holiday cover and, finally, after a leadership meeting, I was asked to step down from all of my ministries until the allegations were "proved or disproved". This, in spite of the legal authorities telling me that reports were being written clearing me of any wrongdoing.

At the present time I am not attending a church. I have been driving taxis for 2 weeks now and have had many, many opportunities to share my faith and to speak generally about issues of faith and belief. This is my church right now. My wife is very hurt by the church's response to this issue. Since the leaders meeting we have not had one phone call from the pastor.

As I speak to people in the taxi the general complaints are not against God, Jesus or faith in general it is with the Church. People see the Church as dogmatic and judgmental. At the present time who am I to argue? All that I can do is to continue my call to love those who Jesus loved. I have forgiven the church and those involved and wait for the time when the truth is fully revealed but for now I will continue to be Jesus to the lost. Please pray for us at this time.