Along with this effort to be honest and confront my demons I met with my supervisor yesterday to get the Master's thesis back on track. I have deferred this semester to allow myself to work unpressured and get back to where I should be.
This Sunday I am going with a couple of mates and two of my boys to Crave in Sydney, a vibrant inclusive church. This is my first step back into church for a long, long time so it will be interesting to say the least.
What I do know is that I am taking one step forward at a time and trusting God to go with me. Every time the voices rush in telling me that I am no good, worthless and will never achieve anything I try and speak louder and remind myself that I am a good person and loved by God.
Last night a good friend phoned me and, during the conversation, he told me that I understood "non-Christians" and that it was a rare gift. I think I just know what it is to hurt and I want to listen more than I speak and love more than I judge.