I've committed to be open and honest in this blog and this is no exception. This last week has been so encouraging as people both churched and unchurched have begun to catch the vision that I have for a presence in Newcastle CBD to reach out to the pub/club subculture. I certainly feel that I am called and equipped for such a role and am praying for and talking about others who may want to join me in the vision.
There is a downside to ministering in such an environment and that is the constant spiritual and emotional bombardment. I hear and see things that I don't want to be a party to. I hear men who have zero respect for women; I listen to very open lesbians; I hear people talk about sex in all sorts of ways; I hear teens talking about their search for ecstacy pills for the night; I see people vomit; I get some women who tell me that I am good looking and my ego battles and I feel ashamed at my humanness and frailty.
Tonight I became aware of how much I need to be accountable and how much I need to get my personal spiritual life in order because the temptations to compromise in many ways is huge. I have noticed that my conversation shows signs of compromise; I swear now and then and go along with men who tell me about their visit to a brothel and what she did. I don't agree with everything but as far as they are aware I am another member of the male fraternity and I don't like that assumption or perception.
I feel called to be a Christian presence in an area where the church is not very present or relevant but I need to be strong in many ways. I feel tired tonight and ashamed of choices of I have made. I upset my wife tonight and I am not proud of that. Please pray for us as we seek to serve God, raise our kids and build a healthy marriage.