It has been a while since I have posted. I am attempting to be as honest as I can in reflecting on my own life's journey. I am currently preaching a 4 week series for a local church. I have already covered Jospeh in prison and Moses as he wrestles with God's call. Over the next 2 weeks I will speak on David's adultery and subsequent repentance and then finish with Elijah's flight into the desert and his slide into depression before meeting God on the mountain.
What links all of these messages is that God meets with us in our humanity with all of its potential and all of its weakness. This past 2 days I have been off work with a virus but this has coincided with a low point in my increasingly cyclic world. I have felt very depressed for the past 3 days and yesterday was assailed by all kinds of self doubt and fears. It is very difficult to plan for the future when you don't feel that you can actually do anything.
I know that I am very intelligent and gifted because people tell me but I have to muster the strength for a fight against the depression which comes over me from time to time. I take my medication faithfully and I pray often and I know God's presence in my life. A friend of mine wants to pray for me for healing of the bipolar. On the one hand I am keen to give it a go but then again I am not sure if it is something that will be healed. Do I lack faith? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
Today I am starting to feel myself emerging from my present dark place. Personally, I find that talking about my journey helps me and also encourages others who struggle with mental illness. I do get afraid sometimes for where my life is headed but I am also blessed with some incredible friends and a fantastic wife and 3 inspirational boys. I know that if it wasn't for my wife and children I would be in a far less happy place.